Goals
I was sick the other day & just laying around watching movies wasn’t doing it for me. A couple days ago I found my old journal entries from the 2000, just after I had graduated from high school. I also pulled out a couple of my hand written journals from the past couple years. The reading was interesting.
A lot of people look at time as a linear time line. One thing builds on another & we keep on successively advancing onward. Others look at time as a circle. Things just keep looping around. I tend to think we are looping & going forward at the same time. Progress is made but we always seem to come back to where we started.
After reading my thoughts at the time, I was surprised to see I had pretty much made a full circle, things are different but the same. Over the past 5 years, my life has taken a path I couldn’t have imagined. Every twist & turn has been like a ride on a roller coaster, eventually bringing me back to where I started. I am a lot smarter & street wise, but my basic goals & what I hope to accomplish on a long term basis have evolved along a path I had wrote about at 18.
I think the greatest difference between me then (& I would even say a year ago) is my self esteem. I used to be way hard on myself. Anything & everything I did was not good enough for my own expectations. To this day, I think a little bit of insecurity is a good thing. It keeps you based & motivated. The insecurity I used to feel made me so incredibly paranoid you would think I was flying the Sesna to
One thing I think never really escaped, but was covered up, is my optimism. People comment to me at school & work on how I am always smiling & how I always see the positive. Anyone that really knows me has seen my optimism. You can put me in the bleakest position or darkest corner, & I will always see a way out. I never recognized this until people started mentioning it to me. When the chips are on the table, I am all in. A positive outlook is 1 of the main reasons I have been on a hot streak the last year. I don’t think things are going to turn out for me, I know they are. They always seem to.
Here are the goals I wrote at 18. I will warn you my lost of goals is a bit corny, but they show the determination & optimism I talked about earlier (They appear in BOLD).
#1 Goal
* Stay true to myself, my people, & my morals. Never lower my standards & never accept less than what I deem is the best.
Short Term
1) Get into a loving, trusting, caring relationship.
I actually accomplished this at one point so I am going to put a check down for accomplished.
2) Secure good paying, full-time work. I already accomplished the security part at The Swine but I need the ca$h part to come along.
This was during the summer before I was asked to go full time. I was making something like $6.50 an hour, ouch. This was right before I gambled & came to Kaukauna for a new challenge. The cash part did come along. When I decided I was going to try at the grocery game I went from fulltime stocker to 3rd in charge of a store in 9 months.
3) Two words, Mitsubishi Eclipse. This will bring me to that second level. Dope car status is always good. I need to get on those student loans.
Ok, so I was too specific, but I did end up getting a sweet new car. I love the car.
4) This one is out of my hands but I want my room remodeled.
I mentioned this in a Blog, I actually got this one done last spring.
Long Term
1) Meet the woman of my dreams & fall in love. The woman I fall in love with will be my everything. The one I confide in, the one I trust, my backbone when I am weak, just my world. This one is out of my control but I believe it will happen, probably when I least expect it.
I think you need to fail in 1 unhealthy & one healthy relationship before you can truly succeed in a relationship. I think this is why people date, break up, & date again only to get married. I forget where the hell I read that but I have had both so I hope #3 is lucky #3.
2)
So I quit the SNC, went for marketing, & then came back. I am still working at my marketing degree, you would be amazed how many Norbert’s classes cover your tech needs. I should have my marketing degree by December. Yea, fuck you to whoever said I wouldn’t finish it. I did decide to get my history degree but it is broad field social studies & I am now majoring in secondary education. Still earning a double major, I am just not planning on being a shrink.
3) Be successful in my career, whatever it may be. Success in my eyes is positively affecting other people's lives & being considered the best at what I am doing.
This is really idealistic but is the reason I volunteer so much. I just think it is important.
4) Have a kid. Let me expand on this kid thing a little bit. I want to be his friend & someone, when my kid is having troubles, they can come to me & know I am there for them. Someone they can rely on.
Now I want a couple kids. I think it is just important to be a good parent & a good role model rather than just talking the game. People & yes, even kids, can sense sincerity. I don’t think you can give advice while being hypocritical.
5) Build a bomb ass house at least partially designed by myself. We are talking at the very least
Bomb ass? Ok, WTF? I still want a big house someday but I want a huge log cabin over looking a lake. To finance this I am looking at getting into rental properties when I graduate. My goal is 10 duplexes & houses, maybe more, by the time I retire.
6) Leave this world on my terms, not by disease or some long, drawn out process.
This was incredibly ironic considering the Terri Schiavo case currently in the headlines. It is one of things I have always been adamant about. If I am ever incapacitated, let me pass. I would want my wife to life a real life after I am gone rather than change my diapers for 20 years. If you believe in the after life, death is more the reward than something to fear.
A lot of things change but a lot stay the same. I feel a lot now, like I did then. There is the key difference from the time sandwiched in-between. My insecurity was killing me. It was evident in just about every facet of my life. I have the same confidence I had then, but it is different. I am sure of who I am & where I am going. In-between, so much change occurred & I never really had the chance to let it all settle out. Circumstances just had my self confidence way down.
5 years ago, at this time, everything came together. I was extremely optimistic & idealistic. I am that way now. A valuable lesson of have learned in the last year though: I can aim for the ideal, but never expect it. In the past I have unintentionally put so much pressure on those around me to me meet my expectations. It has created more problems for me than everything. This has been the biggest change in my friendships & in will be in my future relationships. It is ok to have expectations, but we are human & they can not be unreal.
The road of life is interesting. I will never say never. It seems the most improbable things, the most far fetched, seem to be the thing that always end up happening to me. That is why I am so excited for what is in front of me. Life is about being true to yourself & those around you. It is also about making mistakes & exploring yourself. I have made enough of these & am ready to apply the lessons learned. Whatever twist life may take, the momentum is there. Drama is only there if you create it. Opportunities are created. Although so much is out of my hands, I feel like it is in my hands. Great things are around the corner.
Life is like playing the lottery, you can play the scratch off & have better odds of winning or play the Powerball & really win. I think everyone around me knows I am playing the Powerball.
CYA when I CYA, peace!
