These Are the Days

I get home from work today & check my eMail as I do everyday. Today was different though, the administration at SNC dropped the student body a gem of an eMail. It seems as though vandalism, among other things, has been a problem on the SNC campus in the past during observance of St. Patrick’s Day. The eMail appears in bold, my comments in italics.

The following is a statement that has been made by the Student Government Association regarding our stance on March 17, 2005. If you have any questions or concerns about this statement please direct them to any executive board member of SGA or jennifer.bitar@snc.edu.

So if you decide you don’t like what we have to say today, you can drop us an eMail that we will either (a) be caught by a junk mail detector & erased or (b) be promptly deleted because you really don’t give a shit about any opinion but your own.

St. Norbert College Student Government Association Resolution endorsing College efforts to curb the presence of disruptive drinking on March 17, 2005.

So I 1^st get this & am like, “March 17^th, 2005? Disruptive drinking? :Scratching head: Ahhhhhhhh… St. Patrick’s Day! What would be defined as ‘disruptive drinking, vomiting all over your friend’s front step & passing out on his kitchen counter? Yes? OK, clear now.”

WHEREAS, the mission statement of the college, in part, claims, “St. Norbert College is a Catholic, liberal arts college embracing the Norbertine tradition of community and is committed to providing an educational environment that is intellectually, spiritually & personally challenging;

Funny, the mission statement doesn’t mention abstaining from molesting children. I guess that’s why that Norbertine priest was convicted of fondling children in the Abbey pool. I guess wasn’t in the rules, I see why you are trying to clarify things for us.

WHEREAS, the Assembly of the Student Government Association is the official student governing body of St. Norbert College;

So does the “official student governing body of St. Norbert College” actually mean anything? Didn’t think so. I thought maybe, for a second, the people who were spending $30,000 a year to go to the school actually had a say in something that went on around campus.

WHEREAS, the mission statement of the college has been challenged in past years in when March 17 has fallen on an academic date

You mean kids were getting fucked up on St. Patty’s Day & behaving badly? No, No, Noooooooooo! I am not buying that. People would consume too much alcohol on a day built around drinking too much? What are you going to try to pass by me next, men beat their wives after a Packer loss?

WHEREAS, the Assembly of the Student Government Association acknowledges that inappropriate behavior on the part of some students on March 17, 2005 may once again provide cause for concern

OK, so you think we are going to fuck up again, understandable.

WHEREAS, establishments serving alcohol in areas contiguous to the college are providing deals that may encourage further drinking on March, 2005; &

You mean in a free market society, bars owners might try to capitalize on a drinking holiday? I guess that makes sense & I will thank you for advertising for them. By the way, did you say ‘deal’, ‘encourage’, & ‘drinking’ in the same sentence? I may believe in love again, can I get your number?

WHEREAS, the Student Government Association feels it is important to uphold the academic integrity of the college, and the mission statement of the college;

So YOU feel the policies YOU wrote are valid. I’m surprised by that.

& WHEREAS, the Assembly of the Student Government Association acknowledges that students, as well as faculty, have a vested in promoting a sound academic atmosphere;

How many fucking times are you going to drop ‘whereas’ to begin a fucking sentence? Really, I drop that in one of my fucking papers, I fail.

THEREFORE, BE IT RESOLVED, in order to maintain the academic integrity of St. Norbert College on March 17, 2005, the Assembly of the Student Association expresses its support for the administration’s desire to maintain said integrity;

So the government, & I use that terms lightly, that YOU appointed supports what YOU said. You are selling me on this idea, really, you are.

BE IT FURTHER RESOLVED, the Assembly of the Student Government supports the efforts and the intentions of all St. Norbert College employees in their quest to ultimately promoting a more academically sound environment for students of the college; &

Dido

BE IT FURTHER RESOLVED, the Assembly of the Student Government Association also acknowledges that students, as well as faculty, have a vested responsibility in promoting a sound academic atmosphere. Accordingly, we ask that students seek to act in a responsible manner, congruent with how they would act responsibly on any other academic day.

We should act like we do any other day... So you want us to masturbate, watch TV, & maybe make it to a class? That gets kind of old, as fun as it is, after 15 weeks of the same old same old. Can’t we get drunk, ruin some shit, & attempt to hook up one week day out of the semster?

BE IT FURTHER RESOLVED, the Assembly of the Student Government Association asks that students act in a responsible manner on March 17, 2005, as they would on any other academic day.

So you sent me this long ass eMail just to talk down to me, reminiscent of my parents? Let me save you some time for next St. Patrick’s Day.

“Guys, we understand there are great deals on liquor March 17^th you plan to indulge in. We also understand despite any warning we may give you, you are going to fuck up. A little FYI, don’t bust anybody’s shit in the process. Oh yea, use a rubber.”

Posted by D. Schwa on Monday, March 14, 2005 at 7:19 PM | Permalink