Dating: II
I think the hardest part of a breakup is the loss of a friendship. Sure, there are people who remain friends after breakups, but not many. If you do retain the friendship, undoubtedly its dynamics have been altered significantly.
When I get in relationships, generally I take things very slowly. I have been asked why I always end up in long term relationships. The answer is that I actually take the time to develop a friendship, a real relationship. You build something right; you are going to reap the rewards. I firmly believe in that.
With a notable exception, I always end up being very tight with the whole family. I was reminded of this past weekend when I ran into an ex’s grandma. Having not seen her forever, I was amazed at how comfortable & long the conversation was. She, in many ways, talked as if I was still part of the family. She even talked about having another conversation with her other grandma about me that very day (& to believe any of you guys ever doubted my staying power.). I think that goes to show why I will always get interest from exes. Family & building an actual relationship are & always will be important to me. Outside a few people I chill with, I have found this is rare.
It used to be when I broke up with someone, we ended up being really good friends after it. Truth being told, I hated the system. Inevitably someone ends up wanting someone & the situation got uncomfortable. So, for a couple years, I wouldn’t speak to an ex after a breakup. I avoided it at all costs. I broke this rule once, & we started dating again within hours. It seemed to justify my previous reasoning.
I attributed this occurrence to this weird phenomenon. When I date, I tread this thin line between listening & giving advice. (Usually I lean towards to much advice. Definite issue I plan to address in my next relationship.) Chicks hate it, & is partially the reason I avoid giving advice now. But, once the relationship is over, they appreciate the advice. This has happened several times, that’s why I am comfortable saying it. It isn’t even the fact that I tell them what they want to hear. God knows I am rarely guilty of that. It’s the fact that my honesty shines through &, believe it or not, I have some relatively decent insight into the world.
Why is it that things happen so quickly in love? They always seem to? When you are comfortable with some (or desperate, but we'll stay positive), everything blossoms so quickly. My example, the aforementioned girlfriend. We “hated” each other one day, back together the next. What is weird is that it my have actually worked had we actually addressed the problems we had the 1st time we dated. It just took one of us being honest with the other. The same thing goes for breakups. Here is my shining example. 2 weeks before a breakup, a girlfriend sent me a letter with these contents (& I quote.). “I can’t live without you and you mean so much to me it is hard to even express. If it wasn’t for you, I don’t know how I would be coping with things that have happened in my life. You are always there for me and you are my strength, thank you so much. I just want you to be by my side. No matter what I love you and wish you were here. I adore you so much, you are my knight in shining armor. I will love you always and forever!” That was literally 2 weeks before we broke up & from someone that tried, but found it hard, to put her feelings into words so one can assuje they were from the heart. That one mistifies me until this day. It just goes to show either how quickly women change, or how well they can hide emotions under the rug when things get tough.
This is already turning into a rant. I guess the moral of this installment dating Blog is that dating creates great friendships & ruins them. Also, I have a great policy for you. Don’t make the move on an ex, no matter how hard they try to get your attention, without them making the 1st move. If she has the balls, then you can grow them, otherwise hold. That’s the way I roll. My next dating Blog is my relationships & their relation to the Newlyweds show… eagerly anticpate.
See ya when I see ya, peace.
