It has been a while since I have written anything of substance for my site. In fact, was going to pull down my sites last week but started reading some of the stuff, made myself laugh, & decided I should keep it up. There have been some pretty funny stories to write but writing out our drunken stupidness gets repetitive after a while. I am still unsure exactly what I am going to write here but I am never short of words to say so here I go.
After the terrible start to last semester, it ended a lot better than even I could have imagined. After 10 weeks of classes, I got to student teach for 5 weeks at Washington Middle in Green Bay. It was one of the best experiences of my life. After 5 weeks of teaching, my semester ended at the SNC & I decided to volunteer at Washington until the end of their school year. Without having to worry about my school responsibilities, I was able to concentrate exclusively on lesson plans & teaching. It was incredible.
First & foremost I loved the kids, absolutely loved them. I have a unique teaching style where I push the kids hard for results, but I am really laid back & joke in class all the time. I was kind of fearful my sarcasm would be detrimental in the classroom; it turned out to be a huge asset. The kids really bought into my style & made the experience the incredible success it was. If there was any doubt I should be teaching in my mind, it was completely erased.
I walked into school everyday with a smile from ear to ear & left the same day. The last day of school was really special for me. I got cards from all the kids & quite a few of them shared appreciation & memories with me that I will carry forever. We went on field to trip to an obstacle course the final day also. It was a perfect wrap up to the previous 9 weeks. I got a ton of hugs from all the kids & it just meant a lot to me. As I drove away the final day, I was almost in tears. The entire experience just put an exclamation on a great semester.
I was on high honors for the 2nd semester. Not working the semester had a much bigger impact than I had even imagined. The freedom in my schedule gave me the freedom to participate in a lot more at school & actually become a college student. Working nearly 40 hours the previous 3 semesters did not allow to put forth the effort towards my class work as I really needed. I wish I had left when I quit the night manager position, it would have saved me a lot of headaches.
I guess the next obvious subject is me leaving the Pig. It was a big change after working there for 9 years. As much as I have not missed having to work, I have missed the people a lot. I miss the competitive environment & I miss working with people all day. I made so many good friends over the years there, I met my 1st love there, experienced a lot, & grew up there. I have so many positive memories that makes the negative stuff fade away. I still love sitting around whenever just trading stories about all the crazy crap we did over the years, all while getting paid. It seems like every week I run into someone out at the bars that I used to work with. There are always a lot of laughs & good stories, even people I had no idea even liked me. This past week I even ran into a guy that I threw up all over is dorm room in Milwaukee & all was cool. I have no idea how that wasn’t an awkward convo. (I think that was actually my 1st blog for this site.)
Someone was commenting a couple weeks ago how much my attitude has changed over the past 6 months. I think a lot of people will probably focus back to my actions in January & not see that at all. This have been changing in my head for a while, I just think I was hesitant to show them. I do not defend what I did at all, but in all reality, that was the single worst thing anyone has ever done to me. When you find out the woman you care about is sleeping with your best friend, it screws with your head a little. I have never felt that hurt, betrayed, or dismayed in my life. I apologized for my actions immediately after & make no excuses for them. I do think if I ever told the entire story, including everything that has happened since, the few that have negative feelings to this day would feel a lot different about the situation. I rarely give the entire story, even if it mean is look bad, & this was no exception. There is so much more past what even the most informed know.
I really trace everything back to the last 2 years. The summer of 2004 was just crazy. I am a historian so I always try breaking things into eras or periods. This includes my own life. I have no idea how to define the last couple years of my life. I have changed so much. In so many ways I used to be so close minded & ignorant to different ways of thinking. Through life & school & have really expanded my way of approaching different people & different situations.
I know I still come off as extremely arrogant to most people. It is something I have really worked on for a long time & have gotten a lot better at. As confident as I am, I am extremely shy. I know it comes off as I am blowing people off or too good to say something. Really, I just do not say very much until I know someone.
It also kind of goes further than that. I always have kind of built a wall around myself. When I was in grade school I was unmercifully bullied. I was afraid to go to school & deal with it everyday. Although I eventually learned to defend myself, it made be combative in a way. As a result, when someone would attack me or if I were in an uncomfortable position, I would attack.
On top of becoming extremely defensive, I don’t think a lot of people realize how shy of a person I am (Going back to the previous paragraph, sorry, my mind jumps.). When I started kindergarten, the teachers thought I was mentally handicapped because I never said anything, ever. As I have gotten older I have learned to manage it. My self confidence helps a lot with it. I used to dread meeting new people or being put in social situations. Now I don’t really mind it, sometimes I just need to concentrate on expressing what is rolling around in my melon in stead of sitting quietly.
I also used to be an extremely cynical person. In a lot of ways I still can be, however I am an incredible optimist now. I am unsure if you can be cynical & an optimist at the same time, but it works for me. It used to be I stayed cynical about everything so I couldn’t be disappointed by people. If you have no expectations for people, they can not hurt you. I hurt a lot of people I never meant to doing this. I pushed some people away that meant the world to me. After my last serious breakup a couple years ago, if I was asked a question about it, I had a precooked sarcastic answer. I tried the high road for awhile but it hurt me so much I knew only one way to deal with it. I let that consume me for a while. Now i would much rather think positively & be let down once in awhile. There are too many wonderful things in this world to worry about the few bad things that arise once & a while.
That’s maybe the best part about me now. I think I can solve anything & find positive in any situation. I am the guy that watches Gilligan’s Island & thinks they are getting off that damn island every episode. I end up putting myself in situations I shouldn’t, hoping for the best that end up hurting me. I would rather take the chance once in a while than never take a shot & regret it lately. If it means I get walked on once in a while, I can deal with that.
It is that side of me that I never used to let people see. I never wanted people to see my weaknesses. I have found I love helping people & am not afraid to put myself out on the line to do so. I think I always have, I just never let people see it. There has only been one or two people I have ever let see who I completely am. When I let people have glimpses they are usually pretty surprised what they find out. One of my goals is to do that more.
Enough about what is in my head. How about my life? Well I am enjoying unemployment. I cashed in some investments I had made so life is pretty comfortable. My car is paid off, school is paid off for the year, & I am looking at apartments. The finacial freedom had allowed me to volunteer a lot, something I genuinly enjoy. It gives a lot of perspective on life. I would also like to travel abroad this year. There is a slight chance I may student teach overseas. I would really like to work in an impoverished African nation. I have been in contact with the coordinator at St. Norbert & I am looking at a couple different countries. It would just be a shame to move out for 6 months, move back in to go overseas, & then move back in 6 months. That why I may just go on a trip for a couple weeks & taste Africa that way. There are a ton of options.
I also want to get back into a relationship. I decided I hate being single. My problem is that I have been in love once before & I always search for that. I knew the 1st date that time & I feel like I am wasting my time with anything other than that. After my last serious relationship I waited a year to get back into a relationship. I dated but I was so messed up after it I didn’t know what I was doing half the time. I know I am good to go now, but I just want to make good decisions. I am not afraid of being hurt again, but I am afraid of getting in deep again & realizing it isn’t right. I am not sure that makes sense but it does in my head. Everything happens for a reason & I trust God to guide me down the correct path. I used to think I could never again love someone as much as I once did, I now look forward to the chance. I could go on forever here but it is just so hard finding someone that enjoys life as much as I do but still has a grasp on reality & is focused on her future.
Wow, this may have turned out to be my longest entry ever. I was inspired by one of my favorite comedians blogs a few days ago so I might use his format & start writing a daily story about my life. Sometime I don’t believe what happens to my friends & I on a daily basis, we need to sit down & write a movie soon. If you made it this far, you either have nothing going on or really enjoy poorly spell checked blogs. Either way, thanks for reading.
Anyway…Miah is probably going to kill me for my closing, but take trust in God & explore the path he sets you down. Peace…
Currently Playing…
Taylor Swift
“Tim McGraw”
(I love this song, it’s the bets song on the radio since Days Go By.)
“Life Is 
