These Are the Days

Intro

This is my year in review, highs & lows, ups & downs. I wrote an outline & hit 2 pages so I am going to break this into 3 or 4 parts. This was one of those years I don’t think I am going to forget, ever, just for everything that happened. I grew so much as a person this year in so many ways through my experiences so I tried to be as forthcoming as possible. The 1^st half of the year I was in a relationship & the last half I was sans a girlfriend. That breakup was probably the defining incident of my year for a lot of reasons but I certainly grew from it. Also, I tried to avoid names in the text and I think my writing reflects my new positive attitude towards life as I take the high road in a few situations. I don’t revise this either because I want my thoughts to be fresh & unaltered so I apologize for grammatical errors.

January

OK, so technically I got Band of Brothers last year for Christmas. I mention it because normally I am not about the X-Mas gift thing preferring pictures or just words. This was one of the best gifts ever & I have watched the series literally at least once a month. If you haven’t seen Band of Brothers, it is seriously up there on the all-time great list.

On January 11, the Packers played the Eagles. This was the year the Packers were finally going to win the Super Bowl again. Unfortunately, we know 4^th & 26 happened & the Pack lost in OT 17-20. Proving how big of a loser I am when it comes to sports, I was crushed. For 2 or 3 weeks it is all we talked about at work. Some good came out of it, my girlfriend’s dad asked me how in the hell I can even enjoy watching games when even winning isn’t enough. I thought about this for a while & have kind of let go of my obsession. This season is the 1^st in a while I haven’t watched every game. I get excited for plays but the bad doesn’t even bother me anymore. I can’t even tell you the entire Packer’s roster this year, which may be the 1^st time since I was 10. The games are much more enjoyable & I don’t beat my dog anymore. J I guess I noticed as the year goes on, I don’t mention sports at all really, I am doing something right.

I guess sometime in here my girlfriend moved from Kaukauna to her cottage a half hour away. I mention it because it is probably one of the biggest factors in us breaking up. She was really broken about it & I listened for a while but eventually told her to just quit being selfish about it. I don’t think she ever really forgave me for supporting her parents on that decision.

February

The month of February started off interestingly enough with the Super Bowl on the 1^st. Great game & the Patriots narrowly beat the Panthers 32-29. I remember this day mainly because in a hurry to get to my girlfriend’s house to watch the game, I was pulled over for a 77 in a 55. I knew my no ticket streak was over. Oh but it wasn’t, got off with a warning.

Two weeks later, on December 15^th was my favorite sporting event of the year, the Daytona 500. This year was especially memorable as I got absolutely toasted watching the race at a small bar in Winneconne & my favorite driver dominated the race. You have to be a NASCAR fan to understand how awesome it is to have your driver win the 500 but it was a special moment.

In February I also applied to college again. I wouldn’t find out forever whether I got in but this was a huge step for me. Finally, with a lot of encouragement, I decided I didn’t want to be stuck in a hole my entire life. I didn’t want to be in a grocery store, or flipping burgers, or just stuck in a small town for the rest of my life. I always wanted more but I finally decided I needed to stop talking & get there.

Somewhere in this time my 3 Volcanoes story happened. Check the previous Blogs for that.

Also in here, my girlfriend moved out on her roommate. I don’t really care to talk about the specifics but due to a mother/daughter relationship with the roommate, my boss stopped talking to me. It made for an interesting work environment.

Another note, pretty much when I wasn’t working during this time, I was in Milwaukee. That is what my weeks were composed of. Work, Milwaukee, work Milwaukee.

March & April

On March 12^th a guy I used to be best friends with went missing. We had stopped being friends due to his drug use & I kind of thought that was what was behind his disappearance. I was even investigated in his disappearance, that was a treat. Clarence’s body was found April 10^th floating in the East River just a couple hundred yards from his apartment building. He had apparently jumped in after getting high on mushrooms. This hit me really hard. It was the second funeral of a friend I had to go to in the last 4 years & I didn’t realize until recently how much it really affected me.

I was already depressed at this time. I hated my job & was very unsure whether I would be able to get back into the SNC. This had a huge draining affect on those closest to me. I always was somewhat anti-social, at this time I was pretty much a hermit. I also began having panic attacks almost hourly. I don’t know, I was fucked up here.

May

This was an interesting month. My girlfriend & I went to Chicago for the 1^st weekend. I loved this trip & it would be the last time I think we actually spent quality time together. I had this planned as a surprise weekend. We went to the Navy Pier & then went & walked the Miracle Mile. We ate at a couple nice restaurants & then went to the top of the Hancock building & saw the city under the lights. It was one of the most romantic moments I remember between the two of us. Since that was all she wrote, I couldn’t figure a better ending to us than that memory.

Chris, J, & I rolled down to the Indy 500 for Memorial Day weekend. This turned out to be the most interesting years ever. There was like a 4 hour rain delay & as we were leaving the track tornadoes were forming! Tornadoes! We got like 25 minutes out of Indianapolis in some of the worst weather I have ever seen & got some clear sky. Then we realized a tornado was forming above the car. OK, I hit straight Dale Earnhardt style here. As the guys will attest, I was a mad man possessed getting out of there weaving every which way. As we left the state, we got to see the best lightning show possibly ever. The land is flat for miles so we could see lightning strikes for miles. It was incredible.

On this trip I also got rid of my last bit of road rage. A little brake check on an Expedition & then an ensuing drag race & I was done. Nothing big but I have not had a single incident of road rage since. I flipped one guy off all summer. To realize how unbelievable this is, I literally used to flip people off about 5 times just on the way to the freaking mall. I think it reflects my lack of stress in my life or something. I guess life is too short to worry about that shit & trying to kill people on the highway.

I guess that is the end to Part I. Part II tackles my break up but more importantly all the good that came out of it. I already have a head start on it & I’ll try to post it in the next couple of days.

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Randy Moss is an elite NFL player. He is also an elite class asshole. It was September 26, 1999 and my senior year in high school. My dad got me in as a security guard at Lambeau. (Yea, me guarding something?) Well it turned out to be a sweet job as I was positioned on the field just outside of the visitor’s locker room. It was my opportunity to meet NFL players & I was amped. I had already worked the opening game of the season & the Pack squeaked out a win on a last second touchdown pass right in front of me. When you start with a high like that you only think things can get better.

My feet were wet & I figured my second week on the job I would have the balls to talk to the players. The opponent of the day was the Minnesota Viking. I hate the Minnesota Vikings. I start by saying ‘Hey’ to starting quarterback Randall Cunningham. He responded, “What’s up man?” OK, I am freaking jacked. Acceptance? Next move, Hall of Fame receiver Cris Carter rolls his ass out of the tunnel & I drop, “What’s up man?’ He responds, “What’s up dawg?”

This response made me feel right at home. An ear to ear smile adorned my face. I’m a brotha. I listen to to Notorious. I’m down. I can now bust all the Snoop D-O double G speak I & every other gangster listen too. Soon second year star Randy Moss Rolls out of the tunnel. I bust out a robust, “What’s up dawg?” The reaction I got was not expected. Randy’s mouth dropped open & blankly stared at me as he walked by. I went from a feeling of complete acceptance to that of being a coarse piece of pubic hair on a burger. If there would have been a 10 foot hole, I would have dove into it.

Bottom line: I know the majority of people reading this have heard me rap drunk. True, true I may come across as a brotha tight & accepted in the community, but it is a front. I am sorry if this crushes your vision of me as someone who erased the color lines, but I cannot live a lie. If I can’t be accepted by the African-American community, is the rest of the world going to?

Posted by D. Schwa at 10:34 PM | Permalink | Comments

Intro

In general, the only things better than drinking way too much is throwing it all back up. Everyone has been there. Some of us have brought vomiting to a whole different level & those are undoubtedly how we will be remembered. Most of us have at least one good vomit story. That’s most of us. I can up the ante to three that really stand out in my mind. Keep in mind this is not even the vaguest attempt to match a Tucker story so lower expectations.

Miah’s

So I am drinking over at Miah’s duplex in either late September or early October this year. This was an interesting evening before my volcanic stomach even erupted. Mind you, most of this is recalled through second hand stories. If anyone has revisions to the series of events, please submit them. To the best of my recollections, a good friend of mine was definitely trying to close the deal. This may have actually gone down, had it not been for the interference of drunken others trying to lay a C-bomb. (This lead to the valuable lesson: Don’t try having sex in other’s beds. It doesn’t make friends.) Whatever your stand on the morality of the player, the C-bomb was dropped & unless Jaren & Chris cuddled tight, nobody received sexual favors that night.

I enjoyed a smorgous board of beer on this night. Everyone seemed to be offering and I, always seeking a quality sample, am never one to turn down a free drink. Truthfully, I was actually quite disappointed with myself. I was annulated not only early, but after just over half my normal consumption standards. Despite this fact, the night was fairly enjoyable. I lay down, pass out, and our story fast-forwards. The next thing I remember is launching out of my sleep with a mouthful of vomit. Thankfully, I didn’t spray anyone or even too much…initially. Knowing I have fucked already, the race is on for the front door. I won the race, a highlight of the night, just in time to populate the front steps with another explosion. Thankfully others were willing to keep me company, as sitting in the cold throwing up can be very lonely. For probably the next hour, I perfected the two-finger diet. (For anyone looking for a quick way to lose weight, this is recommended. I can attest to the effectiveness after this evening.)

After my hour spent on the front porch, I moseyed myself back inside. Bad idea. I apologize to all trying to piss on that night for this. My germ phobia doesn’t allow me to hug toilets, thankfully, but let’s just say the bathroom was occupied for the next hour. This is kind of a theme when I throw up. After listening to the verbal abuse, confident it was over, I passed back out, Only to wake up only 3 hours later to go to work. I did redeem myself, slightly, by cleaning up the mess in the morning. Still, Miah, I am sorry.

UWM

This past February, like most weekends at the time, I went on a treck to UWM for the weekend. It was a Friday like many others, I had gotten done with work at 11 & got down there around 1. I had a lot of catching up to do. Well, I tried. I think I drank 5 beers in the 1^st half hour. OK, Cole might have trouble with that pace so I am already rocked. I then left home base & made my way upstairs to play cards. I don’t really like card games for this reason: I don’t drink to the rules, instead choosing drink for everything. The next hour I drank, drank, and, well, drank. It was a constant procession of beer headed in my direction & empty bottles streamed back. During this evening I found my love for rapping drunk & dropped a lot of J-style N-Bombs in the process.

In any event, I laced down 9 more beers to make my count 14 in an hour & a half. This has not been repeated by myself nor would I like to attempt it again. Why? It doesn’t take a genious to figure out that 14 bottles of Budweiser in a 150 pound man in a short period of time is like dropping a box of Twinkies at a Weight Watchers meeting. Shit is going to fly. I began to feel the rumblings. Gurgle….gurrrrrgle…. gurrrrrrrrrrrrle… I attempted, unsuccessfully to convince my girlfriend a few times to leave. (My attempts were refuted, her thought I was trying make love. Well, she was half right, I was, after I threw up.)

Well, we didn’t leave and I launched a stream of puke literally 5 feet across this dorm room. Even with the arc & distance, I nailed everything between myself and the wall. I would hate to estimate where that would have landed had there not been an obstacle in the way. My guess would have been somewhere in Lake Michigan. Well, to say the least, the room full of revelers were not fans of this, nor were the inhabitants of the dorm. I struggled back to her dorm room & made out with a garbage can that night. It was a good kisser, but a little metallic for my liking. This was never invited back to that room and was undoubtedly the most embarrassing night of my life. My bad guys.

Paris

The summer before my senior year, I rolled along on a school sponsored trip to England & France. There was nothing educational about this trip. It just happened my 18th birthday on the 6^th day of the trip and this event was not going to go by uncelebrated as the drinking age in France was 16. All on the trip were very inclined to take advantage of this. Maybe things wouldn’t have got to the point they did, except for the fact we spent the early part of the evening with our teachers & chaperones getting lit. This led to the worst recommendation ever received in my life. My history teacher, a man I respected greatly, suggested white rum and Coke. Take my word, this is a near lethal combo. After several drinks, each having decidedly more rum, I decided to go straight rum the rest of the night. After a ridiculous and unsuccessful attempt to score a chick on the trip & morning on the way, I decided to call it a night.

I made it back to the room & that’s when all hell broke loose. Everything hit me & I hit the bathroom. I filled the toilet, not once, but twice. Being new to the drinking game, this sucked. Trying to end this, I went to bed to end the misery. I would rethink this decision. My world immediately began to spin, vomiting all over my bed, over & over again. To quote Dylan, “I had a wicked demon in me.” It was my goal to exercise it. After spoiling the hell out of my bed my final quote was, “You know what the best part of throwing up all over your bed is? Sleeping in it!” With these final words I slumped into my slop & slept. The story does not end there. Sleep ceased when housekeeping came. I don’t know if they knwocked by I know they entered without my consent. After nearly killing myself drinking, I had to survive one final assault. The maid came in my room & began cursing at me in French. In addition to feeling like shit, having nothing in my stomach, & wanting to die. I now had a splitting headache. While I showered, she changed the sheets. Thankfully, & I don’t think coincidently, she was gone in the 5 minutes it took me to shower.

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