Creepy Guy I
Flashback to last week: I went out to the local improve comedy show with Mandy to indulge in some laughter outside simply looking in the mirror at myself. After we arrived, we got some beverages, alcoholic in nature & began laughing our asses off. We were even asked to be judges for a few of the improve competitions. After an hour or so of comedic action, it was halftime.
If you have ever seen me drink, you understand the need for halftime at something like this. After a few beers, I had had to pee so bad my back teeth were floating. The second the comedians left the stage I made a break for the bathroom. It was one of those NFL Films greatest runs highlight films. Had I not been skinny & pasty, I would have looked like Barry Sanders headed to the goal line. I threw in a few jukes, spin moves, & head fakes, finishing the drive off with a dive into the bathroom.
My hustle & sheer athletic ability got me the bathroom 1st among the 10 or so guys vying for position. I stopped on a dime, unzipped my pants quicker than a 17 year old on prom night, & took a deep breath. Just as I was about to uncork the tub, I hear, “Quite the show, we really need this break!”
Was this happening? There are a few rules to using a men’s bathroom. #2 is take the furthest possible urinal from anyone in the place. The undisputed #1 golden rule is you never, I mean NEVER speak to another man taking a piss. I literally froze like a deer in the headlights.
I am one of those guys that cannot piss under pressure. My penis becomes the Hoover Dam. I don’t care how much fluid is backed up in me, I am done under any sort of pressure. The guy continued, “What did you think of the performance?”
As I am locked on the poster in front of me, the guy broke cardinal rule #3. He looked over in convo. I was staring straight ahead & was able to see this guy peering over that stupid aluminum walls. Here is though, how about we raise those walls to the freaking ceiling so I don’t have to fend off this guy. In any event, he began to literally lean over the stall.
This man was substantially older than me. I have never looked at so longingly since I had my 1st communion dinner with all the other 8 year olds at the rectory. I don’t know what the hell this guy was trying to pull. He wasn’t getting me into his van with a dumb dumb sucker (Maybe a Blow Pop.) much less he creepy advance.
At this point my bladder hurts, actually aches. I still couldn’t squeeze out a drop due to this bastard. Him leaning over for a peek at little Schwa was the closing deal. I zipped up & ran out of the bathroom. The wait was then on. I had to wait for literally 10 guys to use the bathroom before my chance came again. The wit in the lobby was horrible. I was almost in tears as I plotted the various ways I was going to gut this bastard.
Finally, the last of those in line cleared out of the way & I made my assault. I sprinted to the bathroom & had Mandy watch the door for me. Victory was mine.
Moral of the story, the next guy that starts convo & takes a peek at my cock is taking a soap dispenser off the dome & a ball point pen to the temple.
Peace.
Currently Playing…
The Lost Christmas Eve
By Trans-Siberian Orchestra
“Wish Liszt (Toy Shop Madness)"
