Clarence
People have told me they are surprised by my serious Blogs, but they are the best ones. This is one of those. I mentioned in one of my YIR Blogs that a friend of mine died last year. Although we hadn’t spoken in a while, it hit me really hard. It was the 2nd time someone close to me died within a 3 year window. The 1st time, drunk driving was involved & I dealt with it by just being pissed. Looking back that is what started my depression, just not being able to deal with that. Everything just kind of built on that. Clarence’s death was what pushed everything to the forefront.
I first met him way back in rec league soccer. He was on my team in 2nd or 3rd grade & I didn’t like the kid at all. He was a cocky, arrogant, & popular athlete. We later started working together @ the DP Pig. I never really talked to him for 2 or 3 years. Back then I was really quiet, kept myself, & was really nice. I was that shy, nice guy everybody crapped on. My senior year, in the fall, I just happened to started talking to Clarence. He had mentioned he played Madden football. At that point, that was my favorite thing to do. We talked for the rest of the shift & he was the 1st person I met that carried the same passion I did for the game. He invited me over after work to play a game. I took him up & we played a few games & an instant friendship was born. This was the classic nerd & popular guy friendship. He got chicks, I didn’t. He played sports (Varsity running back & kicker, varsity soccer) & I didn’t. We were outwardly the oddest of friends. He was the smartest guy I had ever met, impressed the shit out of me. A professor last semester said I think differently than most people. The way I analyze & process info & develop my opinions is unique. Clarence was the same way. He looked at things the way I did. I can’t tell you how many times we stayed out until 4 or 5 in the morning at the truck stop talking everything from politics to women to philosophy. We just picked each others brains dry. This guy was my brother born to a different mother & I respected his opinion immensely.
Over time, he really started to press me on why I let people push me around. Why was I content sitting in the background all the time? Why didn’t I stand up for myself? I started to wonder myself. In our talks, he would explain to me how he analyzed people. How he sized them up, looked for weaknesses & strengths. How he didn’t give a shit what people thought of him. He treated those he cared about with the utmost respect. Everyone else it was on a minute to minute basis, what have you done for me lately mentality. He always carried his head high & was cocky to a flaw. This rubbed off on me. Soon the nerdy kid in the corner who walked around with his head down was walking with his head high & popping off to whoever gave an awkward look. I was always sarcastic, now people knew it. My quick smile was replaced with a straight expression in front of everyone but my closest friends. Cole described it to me as an overnight change. None of my friends were very fond of Clarence but for the 1st time I felt like I shouldn’t be ashamed of who I was.
We chilled all the time. He was the friend that is like part of the family. My parents invited him to out family get-togethers & I went to his. I actually started going to parties & meeting people outside of my circle of friends. Not only did I meet new people but I fit in. He gave me a chance no one outside my crew had given me & I ran with it. During this time I met more people & became friends with more people than I had my previous 18 years on Earth.
He was the man when it came done to dating. He taught me the most valuable lesson I have ever learned. Honesty. Just sell who you are, that’s how easy dating is. He was big on presentation. How you portray yourself to others. The things he always pushed to me was to be 100% straight about who you are & what you stand for & to never compromise who you are. I think that explains some things about me. I always think back to those conversations whenever I consider compromising my integrity.
One of my favorite memories of our friendship was when we went on a trip to
The best Clarence story I have is one I have told a select few. So he would always come over to my house & wake me up. I would always tell him to just fucking call me, but he had to come over & roll my ass out of bed. One morning I woke up to my house door being slammed. I just laid there thinking it was just my bro. All of a sudden my cell phone rings & it is Rog. He is laughing uncontrollably & I am like WTF? He explained that he came up to my room like usual, except this time my Schwartz was hanging out of my boxers at full attention. I don’t have to explain this, but it is uncomfortable for even the best of friends. He said he would have tucked it back in & woke me up but didn’t want to wake me up in the process. Anyone see why I don’t like people showing up unannounced?
Soon after that, he started dating a chick I had been going after. Pissed me off but that isn’t why we stopped being friends. He had started getting into drugs. If you know me, you know I am scared to death of drugs. I guess it’s a good thing to be scared of. At this point in my life, I had even given up drinking. We just lost touch & life carried us our own ways.
Maybe a weird coincidence, but I had a long talk about him with Becky about how I wanted to be friends with him again. I would find out a week or so later he was reported missing. Soon after, I was even interviewed regarding his disappearance. I would find out he had gotten married (to the above mentioned woman.)& had by all appearances started a great life. April 9th they found him floating in the
I can’t tell you how I felt when I heard the news. The private investigator that had interviewed me was one of my neighbors & he drove all the way from his home in DePere to tell me at work. It was what everyone had feared but didn’t want to believe. I went to his funeral the next week. It was such a surreal experience for me. They had bulletin board after bulletin board of pics of this handsome, 23 year old with his entire life in front of him. (I spent 15 minutes looking for the casket until a jar in front of me was his cremated remains. I couldn’t help but laugh.) His funeral was one of the most touching events I have ever been in attendance of. His uncle CJ had an impromptu speech, while doing readings, about carpe diem & just living life to its fullest. I couldn’t talk to anyone, even those closest to me about it. That speech rings in my head until this day. It took a couple months for everything to sink in but it became a major reason I was finally able to beat depression.
Clarence was one of those people, who once you got to know, you couldn’t help but love. There isn’t a day I don’t wish I could have told him how much he meant to me & my life before he died. Life is full of people that come & go. He was one that will stay in my heart for a life time. Clarence loved his family more than anyone. He was the most honest & straight forward person you could ever meet. If you were lucky enough to befriend him, there wasn’t a thing he would do to help you out. I really miss him.
Here is the article link with a picture of him.
