The Shotgun Story
I will preface this story by saying it is 100% true & 100% as stupid as it sounds. This was one of those life experiences that will make your skin crawl. Names have been left out to protect the innocent.
About 4 or 5 years ago I was working full-time, going to SNC full-time, & trying to have a relationship. To say there was no time to sleep was a serious understatement. When I would go over to my girlfriend’s house, I would lie on the couch & sleep until she got done getting ready. One of these naps was interrupted when her dad decided he would pull a little bit of a ‘joke’ on me that I didn’t at the time & don’t find funny now.
I should start by saying I did not like the guy at all, pretty much from day one. He was short in stature & apparently suffered from short man’s syndrome. Everything he said related to him being right, you being wrong & was quite condescending. By in large, I usually get along with parents very well, in fact, to my knowledge this is the only set of parents that did not like me. Well, at least it was a mutual understanding. I believe very strongly in showing your friend’s (& girlfriend’s parents) respect, but by the time I was done with this family it was nearly impossible. In fact, her dad even accused me of having sex with his daughter like 2 months into the relationship. What was relatively amusing, we weren’t. I guess I should be flattered he thought I had any game at all. Really I was a punk just out of high school that was afraid to make any move on a woman, much less have sex. I like to think that maybe he had a fear of his own daughter’s moral character due to his parenting. It should be stated that this incident happened before I officially made it known it didn’t like the guy. Shortly you will see why I ended up hating the guy. In short, this dude was, & I am sure still is, screwed in the head.
One afternoon, either a Saturday or Sunday, I roll over to her house after I was done with work. As usual, I laid on the couch & fell asleep waiting for her to get ready. This day would be different though. I woke up not to a soft pat on the shoulder or a kiss on the cheek, but to the soft tap of metal on my shoulder. I flipped over immediately, sensing something was not right. (In retrospect, I should have just slept through it, or at least pretended to.) The fact remains I did only to have her dad’s shotgun pointed at my freaking head. Waking me up is not always the best idea. I get crabby. Pointing a gun at my head pissed me off. It would maybe be funny had it been a baseball bat or even a crowbar, but a fucking gun?!?!
I immediately dropped a WTF on him… He started to cackle. It started to run through my head that this dude may really be this sick. He starts explaining to me what the different types of bullets would do to my body. I still am not finding the situation funny at all for some reason as he went through 3 or 4 types of ammunition. I again asked WTF he was thinking. He again cackled. Yea, dude is that nuts. I, rarely being at a shortage of words, began to explain how unfunny I found the incident. Granted, at a heightened emotional state, I may have used some descriptive words that were not the most appropriate. (I feel they were justified in retrospect.)
Well, to wrap things up, I never did fall asleep at his house again. Maybe that was his goal. I got revenge in my own way… a story for another day. Anyway, the moral of this story: If her parents seem crazy, they probably are. Also, don’t sleep at girlfriend’s houses. (There is another story that reinforces this suggestion that I will cover in future entries.)
About 4 or 5 years ago I was working full-time, going to SNC full-time, & trying to have a relationship. To say there was no time to sleep was a serious understatement. When I would go over to my girlfriend’s house, I would lie on the couch & sleep until she got done getting ready. One of these naps was interrupted when her dad decided he would pull a little bit of a ‘joke’ on me that I didn’t at the time & don’t find funny now.
I should start by saying I did not like the guy at all, pretty much from day one. He was short in stature & apparently suffered from short man’s syndrome. Everything he said related to him being right, you being wrong & was quite condescending. By in large, I usually get along with parents very well, in fact, to my knowledge this is the only set of parents that did not like me. Well, at least it was a mutual understanding. I believe very strongly in showing your friend’s (& girlfriend’s parents) respect, but by the time I was done with this family it was nearly impossible. In fact, her dad even accused me of having sex with his daughter like 2 months into the relationship. What was relatively amusing, we weren’t. I guess I should be flattered he thought I had any game at all. Really I was a punk just out of high school that was afraid to make any move on a woman, much less have sex. I like to think that maybe he had a fear of his own daughter’s moral character due to his parenting. It should be stated that this incident happened before I officially made it known it didn’t like the guy. Shortly you will see why I ended up hating the guy. In short, this dude was, & I am sure still is, screwed in the head.
One afternoon, either a Saturday or Sunday, I roll over to her house after I was done with work. As usual, I laid on the couch & fell asleep waiting for her to get ready. This day would be different though. I woke up not to a soft pat on the shoulder or a kiss on the cheek, but to the soft tap of metal on my shoulder. I flipped over immediately, sensing something was not right. (In retrospect, I should have just slept through it, or at least pretended to.) The fact remains I did only to have her dad’s shotgun pointed at my freaking head. Waking me up is not always the best idea. I get crabby. Pointing a gun at my head pissed me off. It would maybe be funny had it been a baseball bat or even a crowbar, but a fucking gun?!?!
I immediately dropped a WTF on him… He started to cackle. It started to run through my head that this dude may really be this sick. He starts explaining to me what the different types of bullets would do to my body. I still am not finding the situation funny at all for some reason as he went through 3 or 4 types of ammunition. I again asked WTF he was thinking. He again cackled. Yea, dude is that nuts. I, rarely being at a shortage of words, began to explain how unfunny I found the incident. Granted, at a heightened emotional state, I may have used some descriptive words that were not the most appropriate. (I feel they were justified in retrospect.)
Well, to wrap things up, I never did fall asleep at his house again. Maybe that was his goal. I got revenge in my own way… a story for another day. Anyway, the moral of this story: If her parents seem crazy, they probably are. Also, don’t sleep at girlfriend’s houses. (There is another story that reinforces this suggestion that I will cover in future entries.)
