These Are the Days

There was a point where I believed in magic, I was 5 or 6 & undoubtedly still shit in my pants & sucked my thumb. These guys are freaking frauds who make money lying & misrepresenting themselves to people, it is a wonder more are not women.

How this crap is on TV, I will never figure out. Wait, I have. Who is worse than these bullshit idiot magicians. The idiots who watch this shit on a regular basis & believe it is real. They are out there in numbers far greater anyone woudl liek to admit. I unfortunately call some friends. These are the same people that believe that the bullshit Lord of the Rings crap are historical movies & waited in line to see that Star Wars crap on opening night. I would rather watch those ridiculous those Girls Gone Wild commercials over & over again with that terrible steal drum in the background & my screen filled with every whore you can meet on your average college campus.

I have a fantastic idea. I am filming a pilot TV show. Let me run it by you, Paint: Watch It Fucking Dry. Ok, I’ll put it on the air, & then do that media research where they call your house to see who is watching. If you admit to it, I am personally coming to your house to blow your face off. Why? Because you are the same fucks putting Criss Angel on my TV in the morning, screw you.

Then you have the asshole associates of his that “Can’t watch” because “He is too crazy.” To his managers, screw you for helping this glut onto my TV. His parents should be shot for bringing him into the world & his g/f should be beat in the face repeatedly for sleeping with him & creating even a remote chance he will reproduce.

Halfway through ranting to Miah about this, (& after having found Hoosiers, thankfully.) he let me know Criss had been struck by lightening & had been sent to the hospital. I prayed to god he died, I prayed, all unanswered. God must have thought it was too easy of the death for the bastard.

So how do I kill him? My 1^st choice would be to run him through a wood chipper. I would, but he ALREADY SURVIVED GOING THROUGH A WOOD CHIPPER! It must be magic. I can’t make this up, he really did that & people really believed he survived it. How about I give this a shot? How about I shoot him in the face with a 30 ott fucking whatever & take his entire head off. There will be statutes erected in my honor.

Sorry for this, especially to those who love Criss Angel. You can now go back to beating off every time he makes a beer bottle appear from a donkey’s ass. I also apologize for my language, I don’t normally curse in my writing. It should be Criss personally apologizing on here, he is the ass ruining America with his hokey bullshit magic crap. I hate you.

I’ll have another blog up about the county fair today…maybe…I'll be back to my positive self.

Currently Playing…
Your Man
By Josh Turner
“Would You Go With Me”

Posted by D. Schwa on Thursday, August 17, 2006 at 3:01 AM | Permalink