Chuck Norris
I realize I am probably way off the popularity trend in this, but I thought I would post it anyway… Chuck Norris is an American legend & a couple guys at school introduced me to a few facts about him I was unaware of. I also like them because you can fill in “Jack Bauer” into each one of them to make them work. Enjoy…
1) Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
2) A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles". Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.
3) Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.
4) Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
5) The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.
6) Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.
7) Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
8) When Chuck Norris plays
9) Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya!”
10) Before each filming of
11) Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
12) When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said, "Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."
13) Chuck Norris took my virginity, and he will sure as hell take yours. If you're thinking to yourself, "That's impossible, I already lost my virginity.", then you are dead wrong.
14) Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
15) Chuck Norris once tried to sue Burger King after they refused to put razor wire in his Whopper Jr., insisting that that actually is "his" way.
16) When God said "Let there be light," Chuck Norris said, "Say Please."
17) Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
18) Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just not his own.
19) There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
20) Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the fuck down.
Currently Playing…
Be Here
By Keith Urban
"Days Go By"
(Video link)
