The Penis Lamp
The following story developed over the weekend & got me thinking. So my buddy’s sister turned 23 this weekend. As most couples do, she went out to celebrate the event with her significant other. Now, this is where things start to get a little weird. Dinner was over, the check comes, & he asks for her portion of the check. Apparently I am a complete sucker. For the past however many years I have been dating, not a single woman… err…. girl has picked up a single tab. It turns out, it isn’t all that uncommon for chicks to be footing half the bill or even paying for the meal these days. I missed that memo. It is her birthday though, her birthday, & you know dude is still getting laid.
The story continues though. So dude hops in the car & proclaims he has her gift. They get to wherever they were going & he unveils. 1st he mentions he was going to get a $25 Kohl’s gift card but was forced to reconsider that decision. Now, I once got a girlfriend a gift card for Christmas. In my defense, it was after dating for a couple weeks, but it is absolutely the most insincere thing you could ever get a chick. Thankfully I have recovered from that incredible blunder. I think it is pretty well known I am the king, master, sensei, whatever you want of gifts. When it comes to bling, thoughtfulness, creativeness, pretty much any aspect, I win going away. That was until this guy. Instead of the gift card, he one upped himself. Dude went straight to Spencer gifts & found something he just couldn’t pass on.
Now when selecting a gift, it really isn’t about the money spent, it is about the thought. I honestly believe that. There were times, even when I spent a lot of money, there was a ton of thought or sacrifice behind the gift. More than once I didn’t eat lunch for a week so I could afford a necklace or ring. I personally don’t care about the money though, I would take a card & picture album any day. These are thoughtful & everything but this guy went all out for her. He got her a lamp shaped like a penis, a fucking penis lamp. I dare anyone to beat that, anyone. A gentle upward stroke turns it on; a gentle down stroke turns it off. He honestly thought this was a good gift, even after not footing the bill for dinner. To say the least, she wasn’t happy.
Now I am going to get arrogant for my moral of the story. Stories like this exemplify why I say I could have any chick back if I tried, or maybe it’s the fact they always date complete dirt balls after me. One of the few things I will give my credit for is this area. Unfortunately for women, or maybe fortunately for me, most guys are complete idiots when it comes back to anything to do with being thoughtful. Here’s the deal, think outside the box. Like most things in life, not doing what everyone else is doing may actually have rewarding results. Sincerity, believe it or not, can pay off in life. To summarize, don’t get your girlfriend a penis lamp for her birthday.
