Pig Suit
Yesterday Miah mentioned to me he was going to have to jump into the Mr. Pig suit today at work. This reminded me of my single favorite Pig story of all time. Wait, 1st a pre-story. So back in the day, it used to be the thing to have Mr. Pig make appearances. (an unfortunate employee strong armed into looking like a fool.) This never goes quite as planned. When I worked in the LC, an employee of mine would get hammered & wreak all sorts of havoc. He would dance jigs in front of customers & sneak up behind them & lean on the poles in the aisles until they turned around & were scared out of their mind. My personal favorite of his when he was stumbling around & the head fell of in front of a kid. The kid started screaming, “Mommy, the Pig lost his head!” Classic, scaring children.
But now onto the real story. So Michael is volunteered to be the Pig. For some fucking reason they used to always have him visit children’s summer soccer leagues. Great advertising? It just happens to be a little over 100 degrees out. The suit, in cold weather, makes you sweat. The suit, in boiling hot weather, makes you swim in your own sweat. This may explain why I have never climbed into that wretched suit. Mike does his duties as the Pig & predictably is soaked in sweat. Well it turns out suit needs to be over to the old CE Pig fro use immediately. Yes, the sweat soaked suit is being pressed into immediate action. He runs the thing straight over there & hands it to the kid that is going to be wearing it. The kid commented on how wet the suit was. This is wear Mike’s sales skills came into play. He drops, “Oh yea man, I just Febreezed it all out for you.” The kid was elated, “Oh thanks man, I appreciate that.” Kid then jumps into the suit. So maybe that wasn’t as funny as I had thought, but I am chuckling. But, as Miah said, “Yeah, it's like you find out your roommate has been raping you in the ass.” Hope that worked out for you man. Anyway… anyone shakes your hand & it is moist, don’t trust that it is clean. Do as I would & hit the nearest sink for a little insurance. Just trying to help, Peace.
