These Are the Days

In my too many years at the Pig, some weird ass shit has happened with respect to customers. The craziest had to be a lady tossing a bottle of wine at me because it was after 9. The most disgusting was a decrepit old coworker telling me about waxing her crotch & wearing thongs. Undoubtedly the creepiest happened a couple months ago.

I am bagging for Rachael (There are worse jobs.), & this old dude comes through the lane. We do the whole paper/plastic deal & Rachel checks him out. She gives the guy his total & he reaches for his wallet. All of a sudden he drops,

“Can you grab my wallet? It’s crossways in my pocket.”

I started to laugh thinking he was kidding. Fucked up little joke but I’ll laugh just to laugh. He asked again.

“Can you grab my wallet for me?”

I started to feel a bit uncomfortable, but laughed again. I only laughed the 1st time to be polite, the 2nd time he better get the damn picture. He then asked for a 3rd time.

“Can you get my wallet for me? It’s stuck.”

This time he thrust his ass into my space & began lifting up his coat. I am not one that deals well with people in my personal space. Don’t touch me. Don’t cough near me. Don’t even think about spitting on me while you are talking. My skin just crawls, absolutely crawls. Take a smelly ass old man & his ass & my senses were immediately overwhelmed. I was horrified, literally horrified. What do you do in this situation? What would have you done? I couldn’t just walk away, could I?

I made a split second decision that I regret to this day. I reached for the fucking wallet, IN HIS BACK POCKET. In one motion I grabbed the wallet & flipped it to him. I have never been raped, I think I know the feeling though. The overwhelming feeling that I needed a shower enveloped me. THAT DID NOT FUCKING HAPPEN! Oh but it did.

Before the wallet hit his hands, I was a good 30 yards away. I looked like a fat kid chasing after an ice cream truck. Speaking of ice cream trucks, is this the new way of getting handsome young bucks? Is offering kids ice cream bars on the way out? Is pulling up along an impressionable young kid on Huffy in your rusty gray van & offering him a Tootsie Pop not working anymore? What happened to going after the grandchildren or nephews & nieces? I don’t care how long grandma hasn’t put out. I don’t care how you get yours. Just stay the fuck away from me!

That day sucked. Moral of the story: An old man asks you to pull his wallet out for him, just run, run, run. This isn’t really a quote but….

What’s the best thing about a 14 year old in the shower?

When she slicks her hair back she looks like a 12 year old.

Posted by D. Schwa at 1:17 AM | Permalink | Comments

This is a hillarious entry by Miah. I laughed my ass off when I was there, & again when I read his article...You will too. Enjoy!

Posted by D. Schwa at 5:36 PM | Permalink | Comments

I have realized from viewing my site stats that virtually no one reads my Dating Blogs. For most that would mean they would quit writing them, not I. Rarely do I go back & reread my entries, but the last few have been an exception. I have been trying to let my sarcasm come through more & more but it is obvious to me it has been forced. My humor in the past was derived from my anger, & well, I haven’t had a thing to be pissed about in forever. I also noticed I have cursed a lot in these. I rarely curse anymore (a good habit to rid yourself of when working with kids) but for some reason I curse a ton when I write. WTF?

Well, what to write about? I went into some files & decided to try to clean up some of my unfinished Blogs. I look at the past a lot to learn for the future. That could be why I am going to teach history. A lot of people make the same mistake one time after another,. I tend to think if you give situations & circumstances a second loom once & a while, you can avoid making those mistakes. . I don’t remember what the date was on this one but it is a few of the best lessons I have learned from being in relationships.

• Never hinder someone's dreams. There is a fine line between giving advice & hindering someone’s dreams. The second you cross it, you automatically lose credibility. Personally, I like other opinions & ways of looking at things. Most people don’t though. I can’t emphasize how important listening to, not discussing someone’s dreams is.

• Never project your expectations on someone else. Whether intended or not, your significant other can’t feel like they have to meet some sort of expectations for you. I push myself to find my limits all the time. In the past, my girlfriends often feel like the need to do the same. This can screw some stuff up.

• Don’t look at things as black & white, there is gray. This is a quality that is great in management. Black & white, as long as you are consistent, is a fair system. It really doesn’t work in your personal life. There is a gray & other colors for that matter. I hate math & science for the fact there is one answer. I love philosophy & history for the fact you can have several opinion as to why something is. With this being said, you can disagree with someone as much as you want as to where they stand on something, but you need to respect & accept it.

• A positive outlook on life is essential. I write about this all the time but it is so important & I can’t stress it enough. Some people live by a no regrets philosophy (including myself at one point.), I tend to disagree with this philosophy now. Usually those who live life with no regrets end up being the one’s who regret their lives. It is generally used as an excuse to do something they don’t even really approve of. At one point I used to be someone that always lived for the moment. You just end up trying to do too much. I now can enjoy the day just laying around the house. Both theories are good in moderation I suppose. I think your attitude dictates what is going to happen. If you really believe something is going to happen, it will, positive or negative. It usually takes me 2 times to get things right, once because I think things out, the 2nd because I follow my instincts. That’s why I will probably date the woman I marry for 6 months, break up for 6 months, & then make it work.

• Go with your gut. I am one that used to way over analyze every fucking thing in my life. It just kills you. You ever do something & every indicator said you should go one way, but in your gut you knew it wasn’t right. Trust your gut, your heart, whatever you want to call it. It is usually right on.

Lesson, learn from your mistakes.

Posted by D. Schwa at 2:26 PM | Permalink | Comments

I was waiting for my philosophy class to start Friday & I overheard a chick talking. “My boyfriend is a really great guy, but he treats me too well.” WTF? Am I missing something here? My mind was racing after hearing that comment & I spent the majority of class writing notes on my developing thoughts. I immediately began thinking of Bubba's Blog a few weeks ago that debated the question, “Why do chicks date assholes?” Although this Blog will only partially answer the question, its validity is unquestionable.

There is one thing is this world that gets under my skin, one thing. I can’t stand chicks that bitch and moan about how they get fucked over, when really they are the one’s that fuck over the guys all the time. I have never gotten this one. Chick is dating guy for a while & he treats her well. She suddenly goes nuts & starts nailing an ugly douche bag with virtually no personality & even less hygiene (If dude, uses Head & Shoulders, that could be a sign of greater hygienic problems.) I traced this back to & based it solely on the theory that between the ages of 18-20 (maybe lasting longer) women go absolutely fucking nuts. After that, they either come out of their state of mental retardation or go deeper into it. Unfortunately, the coming out of it usually involves a divorce, a kid, & a ton of emotional baggage. Although this theory has a ton of relevance, I could never figure out what caused it.

I think I have discovered it. It all comes back to chicks always having to be right, let me explain. I will into my own dating experience for examples her to better illustrate my point. Looking into my dating history, I began to identify patterns. I like preppy, prissy chicks. What do preppy, prissy chicks love? Asshole guys that tell them what they want to hear. If a chick ever tells you she wants an honest guy, slap her for me. If this was true, I would be married have 5 Dustin Jrs. Every chick, every, I have ever dated has commented to me at some point that the only reason they were attracted to me in the 1^st place is because I came off as an arrogant asshole. I will defend myself by saying there isn’t a chick I have dated that wouldn’t date me again because I am the absolute opposite (One they have passed through the 18-20 retarded block.). Soon I began looking at the guys that they were with before & after me. What do they all have in common, they are arrogant, ignorant, & filthy dirtballs. Taking away the arrogant, that is pretty much my complete opposite. If they were to be honest, they would have no choice but to agree with that assessment.

Now begs the question, “What does this have to do with chicks having to be right all the time?” Simple, all women are sick, evil tools of Satan with tar running through their veins, but so are most guys. Naturally women go into any encounter with a male expecting him to treat her like the dirt. Fast forward into a relationship now. The guy ends up treating her well, she is pissed. He has proven her wrong, she must rid herself of this inaccuracy in the fable she calls her life. On the flipside, if he treats her like shit, he is only proving her right. He may treat her like shit, but she is right & in a woman’s mind, that is ultimately what matters. This very simply explains why chicks stay with dirtballs &/or assholes for extended periods of time.

This seamlessly slips into another theory I came up with this weekend (This one isn’t deep at all, I apologize.). When you break up with someone, you usually end up with their complete opposite. If you were in a good relationship, you usually end up in a fucked up one & visa versa. I always wondered why. I think it is to prove your former significant other wrong. Whether you want to admit it or not, you constantly compare your current significant other to the previous. If the previous was a keeper, it ends up causing problems in your nest relationship & fights arise. Don’t believe me? What’s the 1^st thing you do when you break up? What is the 1^st thing you do? Date the 1^st person you can. You want them to see exactly how bad they fucked up & how better off you are. No matter how fucked up the situation, you stay in it to prove they were wrong. This is why rebound relationships last so fucking long. Chicks will say, “He helped me through a hard time.” No, he told you what you wanted to hear so he could sleep with you. You just can’t admit you were wrong. This again proves that chicks have to always be right, fucking themselves over.

I dare any woman to challenge either one of these theories.

Moral of the story, I have no idea. Chicks are idiots is probably to harsh because guys are just as big of idiots. You would think with my attitude I don’t believe in love at all. That couldn’t be further from the truth, I just need to find a chick that isn’t dead set on being the above described or has gone through it & so she can admit she fucked up. That’s the true challenge of love. In any event, I’ll leave you with a couple of my favorite love quotes that haven’t been hijacked…

“Love is an education in itself.”
-Eleanor Roosevelt, former First Lady of the United States-

“Love is not a matter of counting the years - it's making the years count.”
-Wolfman Jack Smith, American disc jockey

Posted by D. Schwa at 12:46 AM | Permalink | Comments

I have mentioned before my involvement in the Big Brothers Big Sisters Program and much fun it is. After being paired up, you pretty much just run around the Boys & Girls Club and have a good time. My kid has some special needs and I hoped to help him in these areas. After our 1^st few meetings, I identified a few areas I wanted to help him work on. To be honest, at times it felt as though I wasn’t able to reach him. He was making new friends and starting to come out of his shell. There was improvement, but it crept at a turtle’s pace & that frustrated me a bit.

Last week, with only a few weeks left for this semester’s session, we had to fill out surveys on the experience. I had a couple detailed ones & he had a pretty simple sheet to fill out. I got done with mine & I noticed he was covering up his answers as he wrote. Wow, the kid must be really writing some terrible things to be hiding them.

Me ever being curious asked him to see what he as writing. He didn’t want to show me. OK, this is the point where I am like WTF? I had a great time doing this. Did I traumatize the poor kid?

He reluctantly lifted his arm to reveal a few crudely formed words. They may have been written on a penny piece of paper, but what I saw meant a ton to me. You have no idea what being described as “cool” by an 8 year old will do for you when you see it written on a piece of paper. I started asking him about some of the other questions on the paper and he started telling me about how he makes more friends & he gets along with his family better. He then asked me if I would be his Big Brother again next year.

It is the little things in life that mean the most, I have always believed & always will. A few words by a little red headed devil child absolutely made my week & validated my career decision.

Posted by D. Schwa at 7:49 PM | Permalink | Comments

I will 1^st start by saying this site was & is intended to be viewed by my friends & family. This is for a few reasons:

• To understand my sarcasm, you have to know me.

• Even if you do know me, there is a good chance you don’t get my sarcasm.

• I look at thing a little differently than the norm of the population. Unlike most people, I critically think & actually construct an opinion that is usually pretty unique.

• I come from a sarcastic family, a very sarcastic family. We roast each other daily, but love each other dearly.

• My friends give each other shit as a sign of our love & affection for each other. If it was honest, you would have 10 guys with multiple teeth knocked out.

• If I were to really hammer someone on here, they would know it.

• Anyone that hangs out with me is undoubtedly just as sarcastic as I am. If you are going to bring it, you have to be able to take it. That rule will always stand.

I used to always say, “If you start it, I will finish it.” The key words are used to. My reputation used to be based around my ability to drop the hammer & stick it. There was no smile behind what I said & it usually cut very deep. That isn't my game any more. To accurately read these, envision my devilish smile & wink as you navigate.

In all reality, those actions were immature & something I am not all that proud of. Any ribbing delivered or received on Dustin’s Blog are purely that, ribbing. There are no personal or cheap shots on here (Well not any that will make you lose some sleep.). I do not intend to offend anyone by these entries. In fact, the intent is to either make you think or laugh your ass off. Generally, I go as far as asking permission to include individual people & stories. In fact, if I do include you, it is usually means I value you so be honored.

I don't include 2 things on my site. Current things going on in my dating world & past intimate details of my relationships. As you can imagine their are some goodies, but I do this out of respect for the women I have dated. It isn't so much one of thsoe don't burn bridges things so much as it is don't play with matches & gasoline sort of things. As much as I joke about past relationships, there was obviously something I valued & do to this day. That is worth protecting.

In all seriousness, if you are offended by any entry or feel I haven’t included an accurate version of events, email me & I will alter the entry (after consulting my board of directors.) or even post your version in its entirety. I pride myself on my honesty & value integrity. (Comments stay up on everything, if you disagree with me on something comment. I am not someone that fears the fire.) Anything less than the truth is something I simply would not like to include.

Before you criticize me or my literature, please make the attempt to read between the lines & realize that I just want myself others to laugh. Giving honest thoughts accounts of my life on this site, I try to put myself out on the line. If you read enough, you soon realize I am rather honest & laugh at myself more than anyone. Can you say the same thing?

I am a quote whore so I will leave you with this….

“If taking vitamins doesn't keep you healthy enough, try more laughter: The most wasted of all days is that on which one has not laughed.”

-Nicolas-Sebastien Chamfort-

Posted by D. Schwa at 1:51 AM | Permalink | Comments

Undoubtedly one of my personal favorite stories happened a few months ago on January 22^nd, 2005. I am able to give the exact date because I wrote the only Blog I have ever posted & then pulled down, my Drunk Blog. This night I went out to a bar called St. Mike’s along the Fox River between DP & GB to meet one of my buddy’s. It would prove to be an interesting night.

I get to St. Mike’s grab a Bud, & find my buddy who is fucking annihilated. For most this would be a problem, but he is easily the most coordinated drunk I have ever met. Not only is he coordinated, he is also fucking hilarious. Some drunks are stupid funny, he is clever as shit funny.

We are sitting there shooting the shit with a few of his buddies & the bartender comes up in conversation. OK, she was absolutely gorgeous & it was her 1^st night on the job. When I say gorgeous, I mean gorgeous. She was smoking hot. Probably 18 or 19, long blonde hair, & these unbelievable green eyes. My buddy drops, “Dude, I gave her my card.”

Let me give you some background here. He was given business cards by his employer & immediately the jokes of using it to pick up a woman began between us. I never thought he was serious, even though he once asked a chick for a rain check on sex & this should have been a red light indicator of his abilities. Seriously, a fucking rain check? Come on dude. (This judgment is coming from a guy who allegedly once promised a chick an orgasm as drunken pick up line. Way smooth on my part, yet very funny in itself.)

So flash forward a few hours later a lot more alcohol consumption. My buddy has passed coordinated drunk & has become wobbly drunk. This is where he was at his best. His running man dance had become the slow motion walk dance & he was getting to the point of complete black out. It was about 1:30 & we were getting ready to leave when he says to me, “Dude, that chick is way to hot for one of us not to get a number. I am going to get it.” He proceeded to stumble to the bar & tried to get her attention.

“Heather! Heather!”

She is helping another patron but turns around & gives him the 1 sec signal. Eventually she makes her way over & asks what she can get us.

“Heather, this is my friend Dustin, you haven’t met him yet”

We shook hands, but she definitely already knew who I was because I had been tipping well just for the appreciation of her exemplary ass. We shared a little small talk. Was he trying to hook my ass up? I was still pondering this idea when he dropped his bold advance.

“Do you have a boyfriend?!?”

Without a moment of hesitation she responded.

“Yea, sorry”

He pauses for a second as he slowly begins to process this crushing news. You could literally hear the hamster jump on the wheel & slowly begin to turn it. Finally he countered with…

“Details, details…” :long pause: “He doesn’t treat you right, does he?”

At this point I am not sure what was going through her head. I know I was shocked. She kind of shot me a “isn’t he cute smile” &, for a second, I thought he may be getting somewhere with her.

“He treats me fine.”

“Soooooooooo?”

She just kind of stared at him at this point, not sure what to say or do. Really, neither did I. This is an area where I would normally excel, but I was just fucking shocked. Yea, me speechless. How do you respond in a situation like this? Undoubtedly, a chick of this caliber runs into this nearly daily & but she still seemed to be short on a way to get out of this situation. I thank God I was not born a hot chick, just so I would never have to deal with a situation like this. She finally countered with...

“So you need a drink?”

At this point is when the wingman becomes vital. You have to know when the battle is lost & make the move to cut all losses before real damage is done. Unable to walk at this point, I wrapped his arm around my shoulder & slowly slid away from the bar. Our retreat was a good 30 feet back across the bar back to our table. I thanked her for her great service that night (Way smooth on my part, I know.) & weaved our way across a nearly deserted bar by this time.

He, thank God for himself, doesn’t remember a single thing.

Moral of the story, if you want to get in a chicks pants, here is the strategy. You have to play the weasel friend to her. Chicks are gullible & fall for this shit all the time. Lie your way in, telling her everything she wants to hear. "Your boyfriends bad, I would treat you better." Next thing you know, you both are drunk & having sex, just ask any of my exes. Tip to the ladies (ask a guy), yea he is just trying to get in your pants. Sorry to break the news.

Anyway… Peace!

Posted by D. Schwa at 3:01 AM | Permalink | Comments

Sororities & frats are kind of the thing of legend when you go to college. Movies like Animal House make it seem as though belonging to one of these institutions is vital to getting your college membership card, thank God it isn’t.

I can’t speak for the large campuses in the UW system on these social institutions but I can for my beloved SNC. You ever notice who the hell belongs to them? On my campus it is the fat chicks. I am not talking I could use a 2 finger diet (Thanks Cole for that term, I will treasure it forever), I am talking about the chicks that look like they help up Mickey D’s just to get the grease out of the fryers. You know who I am talking about, the one’s that trust that have to buy into the rumor they have feet because they haven’t seen them since shortly after birth. These are the elite of the elite, the Goodyear Blimps.

I don’t find it even remotely ironic that these people join organizations that force people to be friends & spend time with each other. I mean, everyone had to have seen Sorority Life on MTV. Even a show for MTV couldn’t fool more than 3 even remotely good looking chicks to become friends with the queens of Krispy Cream. So let’s set the formula. You get a couple socially inept outcasts together. They decide no one would ever be their friend, so they create an elite organization that it is a privilege to be a part of. They sit down & concoct a bunch of rules that make it imperitent you remain friends & outcast those who don’t spent psychotic amounts of time with the other losers. You contact the school, they are cool with it, so it is now school affiliated & very official. Now they are free, with the support of the administration, to scour the campus like hungry vultures for new victims… errrr… members for their organization. It’s something like a sick circle of life.

These people are fucking scary, too. Their uniform is those goofy jerseys & sweat shirts they wear as an emblem or pride, when in all reality, they look fucking ridiculous. They roll in packs too, you can fucking feel the rumble as Heavy, Heavier, & Heaviest come rolling your way. It’s a scene straight out of Jurassic Park. Everyone has seen this site. The gals with a gut overhang so big you could seek safe refuge under in a monsoon, come rolling down the sidewalk the like a crushing avalanche down the mountain side. More than once I have literally had to leap in bushes to miss these ginormous human beings.

Ok moral of this rant. If you have to have rules to keep your friends, you are still a loser. You are just a loser surrounded by other desperate losers.

CYA when I CYA, peace!

Posted by D. Schwa at 11:01 PM | Permalink | Comments

Dulce et decorum este Pro patria mori by Wilfred Owen is one of my all-time favorite poems. The translation of the latin "Dulce et Decorum Est" is "Sweet and fitting it is." The translation of "Pro patria mori" is "To die for one's country." These were obviously sarcastic jobs at the glorification of war. If I remember correctly from my 100 level lit class (The great Dr. Z.) Owen served in WWI & actually sacrificed his life in the “war to end all wars.” I love this poem for its honesty & straight forwardness. Last semester I wrote a paper on Dulche et Decorumeste analyzing the poem & it actually got handed out as an example to the class. My mom was proud.

Dulce et Decorum Este

Bent double, like old beggars under sacks,
Knock-kneed, coughing like hags, we cursed through sludge,
Till on the haunting flares we turned our backs
& towards our distant rest began to trudge.

Men marched asleep. Many had lost their boots
But limped on, blood-shod. All went lame; all blind;
Drunk with fatigue; deaf even to the hoots
Of tired, outstripped, Five-Nines that dropped behind.

Gas! Gas! Quick, boys--An ecstasy of fumbling,
Fitting the clusy helmets just in time;
But someone still was yelling out and stumbling,
flound'ring like a man in fire or lime ...
Dim, through the misty panes and thick green light,
As under a green sea, I saw him drowning.

In all my dreams, before my helpless sight,
He plunges at me, guttering, choking, drowning.

If in some smothering dreams you too could pace
Behind the wagon that we flung him in,
& watch the white eyes writhing in his face,
His hanging face, like a devil's sick of sin;
If you could hear, at every jolt, the blood
Come gargling from the froth-corrupted lungs,
Obscene as cancer, bitter as the cud
Of vile, incurable sores on innocent tongues,--
My friend, you would not tell with such high zest
To children ardent for some desperate glory,
The old Lie: Dulce et decorum este
Pro patria mori

Posted by D. Schwa at 2:16 AM | Permalink | Comments

Posted by D. Schwa at 9:43 PM | Permalink | Comments

Until this Blog I have pretty much stayed clear of mentioning relatively recent dating stuff. This is going to be one of those few opportunities I allow my sarcasm to come through, I will then put it back in the closet. I truly hope you enjoy it because it may be a while. My idea for this Blog started on Friday. I was reading in the paper that April 2^nd is National Reconciliation Day, I guess that is somewhat appropriate coming the day after April Fool’s Day. It was described to me as a day to extend an olive branch.

That was ironic to read, because a good friend had an ex of his call him. Making a long, long story very, very short short: He broke up with her & cheated on her breaking her heart. By her admission, she started dating a guy as a rebound. 3 years later, he treats her like shit, she calls my buddy every once & a while looking for consolation, & is completely afraid of leaving her relationship out of fear of being alone. She text messages him all the time, calls sporadically, & has even shown up at his work (Every time mentioning what a great boyfriend he was (I am not sure how that worked considering he cheated on her numerous times.), would have loved to have known what would become of them, & ultimately what a bag of shit her current b/f is, that sort of stuff.), but still has this ridiculous way of beating around the bush. At the end of the day, she is still unhappy but won’t get rid of the loser.

Why do all woman use these odd tactics to get at or to their ex boyfriends? I haven’t quite figured this one out. It is that they want them back, be friends, or just fuck with their head? Maybe it is just a combination of the previously mentioned. I mention this as a prelude to my own experiences.

When he told me this, it sounded all too familiar. I think just about everyone has at least heard of a similar situation. There is a breakup for whatever reason, chick finds a greener pasture, only to find out pasture isn’t so green but is too proud to ever admit it so she stick with the douche bag. I’ll admit, this guy is a bad example, but you’re getting the point.

This has always amused me in my own experiences. After my last 2 relationships, my exes have found themselves some dandies. In all honesty, I know I may not be perfect but these guys make me look like fucking Ashton.

I will have a response to Bubba’s “Why do chicks date the bad guy?” question in another Blog, but I will cover bad boys as they relate to my exes here. They always seem end up dating bad boys. This may be done as a result of my clean cut was but really… 1^st emphasize the boys part, then laugh, because they are pretty much immature little boys with no real future. I take a lot of moral solace in that. Now for the bad part. Bad looking, bad style, bad hygiene, bad personality (or no)….I guess I don’t really need to go on. These guys are fucking gems. In all seriousness, gems because there is no way you can tell me they didn’t dig these guys out of the dirt. I won’t get into specific people here. (I would like to come up with Tucker Max names for everyone in my Blogs so this can happen, eMail suggestions.) One dated this dude that seriously looked as though he had not showered or cut his hair in 5 years. He looked like he had just walked out of the woods & left the wolves that raised him. Another dated this dude that seriously has 2 of the most messed up eyes I have ever seen. If I were to ever talk to him, I would have to ask him to close an eye to see where the fuck he was looking. It doesn’t stop there though, he has a nose so big, you would swear his dad was a rabbi & has this hair that looks like was shaved off of Chris’ back & glued on his (don’t get me wrong, Chris has great back hair, it just doesn’t look good on someone’s head.). To summarize, these guys collectively look like they lost an epic battle with a garden claw. I guess I may just be jealous, as accurate as these physical are, they must have great personalities. In fact, I am sure they do…

Exes obviously get into great relationships after you. I mean, that’s why they cheat on you, it was too good of an opportunity to pass up. That leaves another interesting question though. Why do they feel the need to try to get your attention? For instance, it is incredibly easy to predict my work schedule & thus avoid me. I mean, I work Monday & Tuesday & then either Friday or Saturday. For some reason I always seemed to run into a particular ex weekly. Seeing as her school is a 2 hour distance from my place of employment, this struck me as odd at 1^st. When my coworkers began to comment on it, it really struck me as odd. When she began telling my best buddy to bring me with him to come visit her at college & in addition telling him what an ass her boyfriend was. That struck me as another one of those odd things. Here is the deal ladies. I mean every one of you. Even the chicks I have dated recently have all shared 1 annoying quality. They beat around the bush (no pun intended) on everything. If someone has something to say, say it to the horses’ face. The hokie incidental running into each other stuff only works in movies.

Any woman that dates knows what an observational person I am. I notice the details. I read body language, I know the games & their variations. They know I know what is going on, unless, well, it has to just be a coincidence.

Chicks always say they want an honest guy. I’ll be honest, that is absolute horseshit. The majority of chicks want guys that tell them what they want to hear. That’s why over ½ f of marriages result in divorce. Successful relationships are about honesty & compromise. It’s too bad that is usually takes a couple kids, a trailer, & a divorce for women to figure that out.

I have said it 1000x before. Seeing someone is 100% different that talking to them. As creepy as it sounds, the smell of someone just sticks in your head. I pursued this chick for an entire summer a few years back. Anytime I would run into her & give her a hug, her smell brought back every memory. I was weird but happened every time. Don’t open doors you don’t want to open. If you want to open them, don’t peek, open the door. Maybe I am just a forward person, but really.

So here is my closing advice for this entry. If you are a chick looking to play games, some guys (tools) will deal with it. I won’t & won’t let my boys (ask them) deal with it. If you don’t have the balls to say something, just stay with your douche bag because I am sure it will eventually work out for you. Really, he will eventually change. In your case love is about hearing what you want to hear until you are hooked, Then the fun begins….wheeeeee……For the rest of us, life is about listening to your partner & helping them through situations but sometimes telling them what they need to hear, not what they want to hear.

I have a couple old school stores I want to get on here for a change of pace. CYA when I CYA, Peace!

Posted by D. Schwa at 1:16 PM | Permalink | Comments

So instead of numbering my Dating Blogs, I am now going to label them. Exciting changes, I know. Just try to keep the excitement in, seriously.

Wednesday was the last episode of the Newlyweds forever. Being 100% honest, of the few TV shows I watch, this was easily one of my favorites. I remember hearing about it & wanting to throw up. Perfect little couple gets married & we have to have the crap in our living rooms. One day my girlfriend at the time convinced me to watch it. Holy shit, it was not only entertaining but our relationship on fucking TV.

I honestly couldn’t believe it. My girlfriend was the beautiful tall blonde that liked to think she was a princess & common sense escaped at inopportune times. I was the grounded person that was always adventurous & looking to try new things. If you take away the model good looks, tons of muscles, & numerous adoring women, he could be my brother. In the end we loved each other to death & the chemistry, although unique, was undeniable. I was absolutely hooked.

There are 2 things I like most about the show:

(a) Nick’s admiration of his wife. They dated a while, he helped her grow up, & they broke up for like a year or something like that. She came back to him & the fairy tale resumed. He stuck with it & it worked out. He also does anything for her. In the past I have claimed that I am the man when it comes to expressing appreciation to a significant other. I was taking notes on this dude. He not only spent the money, but also had 100% thoughtful play behind it. One of the best ideas I ever saw on the show was in one of the last episodes. They decided to only spend $20 on each for Valentine’s Day. I know every woman is going to hate me for saying this, but anniversaries aren’t about getting diamonds, they are about the relationship. I would rather get a letter & pictures over anything. Anything I need or want, I buy. The former are priceless.

(b) Their relationship with Nick’s brother Drew & his wife is awesome. I have been in relationships & been close friends with other couples, it is cool as hell (until you find out they lie in every sentence.). My next girlfriend will have to be able to hang out with my friends& their significant others. Cole & I always joke that we are not just trying to find a woman, but a woman with a hot friend willing to date the other. My best friends are like brothers to me & I will never just ignore them to solely hang with a woman at all times. It is unhealthy & borderline psychotic. I want someone that is comfortable not only with just the 2 of us but having orgies with multiple people/or animals (Not really, I just wanted to see if you were still paying attention.). I want a situation, like the show, were we have good friends that we can just go places with & have a good time. No matter who you are, if you isolate your relationship from the world thinking it will somehow preserve it, you are a fucking psycho. I have seen it 1^st hand. A relationship where the other person is comfortable chilling with their friends outside of the relationship & hanging with mutual friends is key.

I guess in closure, I love the Newlyweds Show & really wish it wasn’t going off the air. There are a ton of really good lessons to be learned from watching the show. I think their relationship is a great template to follow (& I don’t buy the divorce rumors.).

My next Blog will probably be another Dating Blog center on a lecture we had in Psych 100 regarding porn & its effects on relationships among other issues.

Posted by D. Schwa at 7:16 AM | Permalink | Comments