These Are the Days

I guess you can qualify this blog under the “What the hell is wrong with America?” category. I continually am shocked at the crap that makes it to the front page of my favorite news sites. If I was visiting some smut rag, I guess I could expect such results, however I visit what are considered reputable news sources. Now, what has grabbed my attention?

Britney Spears, more specifically, Britney Shears or whatever ridiculous headline graced my screen. How does Britney Spears make every national headline for shaving her head? Really, how does it happen?

Let’s back up for a second. Flash back 6 or 7 years. I am on record as saying I would trade my 3 1^st born children for 1 night with her. She was pretty much the definition of amazing. What happened? Now I wouldn’t get in a line to get her autograph without having my entire body laminated. Pretty much I wish someone would have taken up the offer to hit her one more time…with a lethal object.

If I could say the obvious, she has gone bat freaking crazy. How do you go from America’s hottest virgin to needing a mule train to reach the bottom of her cavernous vagina. Her representatives were actually in negations to use her vagina as a parking garage for sporting events. The deal fell after the great health risk it posed to the general public was revealed. Saying she is void of venereal disease would be like claiming Paris Hilton has an IQ above a chimpanzee.

The elephant in the living room answer to this can be summed up in one ludicrous nickname, K-Fed. I’ll be honest, I hate the guy. I hate few people but I hate this bag of shit. K-Fed? How about D-bag? The guy is solely responsible for destroying an American treasure. He is to Britney as the Exxon Valdez oil tanker was to the Alaskan coast. What are this couple’s 2 kids chances of even turning out remotely normal. Maybe they can learn a couple tricks from their dad. I mean he did bag Britney Spears & weasel his way to a marriage. That is one hell of an investment. You go from literally ringing doorbells to hand people pizzas to marrying a mega millionaire. Apparently looking like you lived with Oscar in his garbage can was the in look that year.

I don’t know how to close this, I just don’t. So I will continue.

Another headline that graced my computer screen, “Tom Brady to Be A Dad.” For those who have lived under a rock for the past 5 years. Tom Brady is the best QB in the NFL sans Brett Favre. While he may be the 2^nd best QB in the NFL, he is the #1 player. Dude’s dating resume reads like a 15 year old boy’s wet dream. Well it turns out he knocked up actress and former girlfriend Bridget Moynahan.

Normally I am the one to say both are idiots in a case like this. Then I read into the story. Turns out she is 3 months pregnant, he dumped her 2 months ago. They dated for 2 years and in the last month, she gets pregnant. Yea, I am sure she didn’t get knocked up to keep his attention.

You ask, why would a successful actress do something like that? Well, I did some research. Turns out she isn’t exactly an A list actress. She is known for Cotoyte Ugly & Sum of All Fears. Coyote is popular among wanna be indie sorority girls and to sum of SOAF…it blew. She stands to live the rest of her life living off the child support of kabillionaire Brady.

Then I researched further and found a tidbit that turned our girl Bridget from hottie to scary. She is a cousin of Rosie O’Donnell. I’ll stop short of commenting further on Rosie, I do not have hours to type, however I am debating one point. What is more amazing after finding out someone is related to Rosie, the fact that she is good looking or the fact she doesn’t shave her back?

Bottom line, wrap it guys or risk marrying into the O’Donnell fam. Hope this lived up to anything I have previously written. Until then…

Posted by D. Schwa on Thursday, February 22, 2007 at 7:31 PM | Permalink