These Are the Days

I think everyone knows I believe in Karma. This is a story to exemplify its incredible power.

Wednesday I student taught & on the way back, decided to hit the BK Lounge for some eats. I order a meal & Evan (Fellow SNC ed student.) gets some other eats. The total comes to around $9. I reached into my wallet to pull out my credit card &…well it wasn’t there. Evan didn’t have all the cash on him…What would you do? Well I ripped out of the Drive Thru in shame without canceling my order. I felt bad but…really should I have? Well Karma caught me as soon as I got home.

Needing a rest, I sat down at my computer, cracked open a beer (It’s Wednesday, my mid-week drinking night.), & start checking my favorite news sites. Suddenly Evan flashes me an IM, “Hey, we need to be in class in 10min!” I had completely forgotten about an hour & a half Web cast ‘recommended’ to us by the head of education. Great, I jumped in my rig & raced to class Earnhardt style (No sudden right turns though), making it there about 5 minutes to 3.

My jaw hit the floor as I walked into the room. There was 1 other student in a conference hall built for around 100. As we closed on 3, a few more people showed up to bring the total to 5 students + 1 professor. I knew this was going to blow. Here is how everything transpired, 24 style.

3:00 Professor explains web cast concept & lets us know we are welcome to type messages to moderator if we so chose. I can’t contain my excitement.

3:01 Lecturer joins web cast & introduces topic, “Behavior & Classroom Management.” Fantastic! In my somewhat extensive student teaching experiences, I have not had a single behavior problem, not 1. I treat my students with respect in a humorous way, they return it. I am now 110% confident I’ll enjoy the hell out of this lecture.

3:02 Lecturer mentions how funny he is. I immediately know how unfunny he will be.

3:10 After pondering got the past 10 minutes or so how I can discretely do homework without blatantly revealing I don’t give a crap what is going on here, I decide to ‘take notes’ & begin doodling.

3:15 1/6 of the way through, progress.

3:19 Accidentally drop my pen down into the row in front of me, Now I have absolutely no entertainment.

3:25 Begin dismantling the binding of my legal pad in complete boredom.

3:29 Look at my professor & laugh intently as though I get WTF she is laughing at.

3:30 Tear off everything I can tear off my legal pad.

3:31 Begin trying to scoop up pen using my shoes (Each row is elevated & separated by built-in tables that extend the length of the room.).

3:40 After attempting for nearly 10 minutes, realize Doc Martens are not designed for scooping up pens. Give up after smashing me knee & almost falling out of my chair.

3:41 Realize I could write a blog on this experience that could at least entertain me. Decide to get up & retrieve my pen next interruption.

3:45 1/2 way point. Professor starts laughing again & I decide this is opportunity enough to go get pen. I walk all the way around my row & retrieve it. Thank God.

3:46 Begin penning blog.

3:51 Fellow student leaves, 4 students left to suffer.

4:03 17 minutes or writing, continually look up & act as though I am laughing.

4:06 Finally run out of things to write…24 minutes left…wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

4:07 Begin search for sharp objects.

4:09 Give up search & begin wishing I had an Allen wrench so I could dismantle the swivel chair I am sitting in.

4:10 Look over at Evan, feel better knowing he is as miserable as I am. This feeling turns to rage as I remember he is the ass that IM’d me & told me to roll out.

4:11 Evan gets up to go to the little boys room. This means he is meandering around the building exploring the joint. I get pissed I didn’t think of this.

4:14 Evan returns with a Nutty Bar. I wonder why the hell he didn’t stay away longer.

4:15 15 minutes left…I think I’ll listen so I have something to say when she asks for a review in class tomorrow.

4:16 Dude is talking about humor in the classroom while having no humor himself whatsoever. I decide if asked for a review, I will rely on my BS ability & go back to finding other forms of entertainment.

4:18 It is too late for me to take a walk, although I really want to. WHY DIDN’T I THINK OF IT EARLIER!?!? WHY!?!? I always take walks 5 minutes past the halfway point of class if I am bored. Guy just mentioned last slide & I celebrate inside. I literally had a fiesta. Reflect what a busy minute 4:18 was.

4:19 Floor is opened for questions. Pray no one will ask.

4:20 1^st stupid question. Please no one else call…PLEASE!

4:21 Prayers not answered, several questions ensue.

4:27 Terrible joke, I want to beat this guy down. Seriously.

4:29 Web cast ends, thank God, 1 minute early. I race to my car.

The moral of this story, don’t go through a drive through & neglect to cancel your order before you leave. I thought I had built up a ton of Drive Thru karma through my polite & clear orders over the years. Apparently not. It doesn’t carry over. You will be stuck in hell as a result.

I have a story about my grandpa coming soon, until then…

Currently Playing…
Carrie Underwood
“Before He Cheats”

Posted by D. Schwa at 3:20 AM | Permalink | Comments

I am going to start this blog earlier in the evening than need be, however it is never a bad idea to insert a Jaren story into anything. Last Saturday evening J, Chris, Ken, & I rolled down to visit everyone over in Point. After our arrival, we played a few card games & worked our way out to a house party. After killing 3 barrels (Bubba & Cole pumped all night, forcing everyone with a crooked hat to turn it straight before cheap beer flowed into their plastic cup…Props guys.) we headed back to the apt.

Before leaving the premises completely, a few of us waited outside for the rest of the group to join us. Among those waiting outside was Drunk Jaren. You ask, “Drunk Jaren?” I have a good buddy named Jaren. After a few beers he becomes a whole new man, Drunk Jaren. JD is belligerent, obnoxious, racist, & generally the opposite of any good you would think of him in his normal state. He is also absolutely hilarious. JD was up to his usual belligerently drunk self outside of the house. As we waited, numerous groups of women in a shapes & sizes entered. As each passed he would scream, “YOU FAT WHORES! YOU WILL ALL FIT IN DOWN THERE, YOU ARE ALL FAT…WHORRRRRRRRRRRES!!!!!” How do you react to that? Luckily they ignored it. Fighting off some Grimace looking woman is never fun. Had a group decided to charge, we probably would have resembled what is left after a 3 year old plays dodge-a-truck on the highway.

After averting disaster, we made our way back to the apt., stopping at a bar for a quick beer. On our way back, Cole, J, & I took a slight detour & JD almost got us killed again. In his drunken rage, he decided to start screaming that all Pointers were “fags” because they went to “fucking gay ass Point.” It was a convincing argument, however most were on the other side of the debate. I am unsure how we didn’t get killed by some frat rat. Possibly it was because after midnight on any weekend is killing time. Much like shark hunters pouring blood into the water, these guys roofie the hell out of 17 y/o girls & pray there is one left to scrape off of the floor & have his way with. I guess if you can’t say no they take it as a yes. “Trevor” had to check his traps.

OK, flash forward, we all order Toppers Pizza & our soon enjoying its incredible tastiness. All of a sudden dude who held the house party shows up with some chick, his buddy, & the last remaining keg (It was a barrel & contained about 3 drinks and had to be a hell of a haul. I guess wasting is wasting but I would have saved it for my cereal in the morning.). Dude sits in front of everyone counting the cash he made that night. He should have had his ass beat & robbed for that but avoided that plight by stealing a roommate’s wallet & buying burgers for the after party (sounds like a great guy.)

Anyway…about an hour passes & he decides he needs to bang the chick he has along. He has his extremely drunk buddy along though. What to do? He chose to leave him passed out on the couch. There is nothing better than waking up in a strange house because your buddy decided to leave you behind. The kid’s name is Fish, & when I say he was drunk, he was freaking drunk. Dude was out stone cold. All of us fell in suite like Christopher Reeves unstrapped from his power cart. Ken & I were the last to succumb to the alcohol. Just as I am falling asleep, Ken hits me on the shoulder & tells me to get up. He pointed across the room at a passed out Fish. I was still a little out of it but I heard the distinct sound of water pouring. A few second later I realized the source.

Fish had pulled his pant down to his ankles, his boxers almost as far, and was pissing all over himself while passed out in the sitting position on the couch. It was nearly unfathomable. Nothing could have prepared me for this. This wasn’t one of those “Chris on a road trip I have to piss every 5 seconds” waterings, it was an “I have been drinking all night & have saved every ounce for this moment” hose downs. It was like watching a kid play with a running lawn mower, you don’t want to watch but somehow you are sickly drawn to it (If you actually have watched this happen to a child, :News Flash: you are going to hell.).

Not knowing what to do (This crap isn’t covered in the Boy Scout Handbook.), Ken & I raced upstairs to wake up anyone that could help us. Soon Bubba was on the scene. He tried waking Fish as he was still naked holding his crank proudly. “Dude, you pissed all over my damn couch!” Fish responded, “Fuck you! I did not!” After a few more words he was passed out cold again on the floor.

His buddy was awaken & told to get his ass back over. He shows up & tells Fish he is sleeping over at his chick’s house. WTF? Dude just pissed all over self…Get his ass home…I can name one move that would never fly with my girlfriend, taking my piss covered drunk ass friend over to her apt. That is almost as bad a screwing a chick on your buddies futon, classless bastards.

By this time nearly the whole house was awake & cleanup began. Roommate Becky led the charge & the guys mostly looked on in amusement & horror, retelling the story to each person that awoke & worked their way into the living room. The damage, he soaked all the way through an entire couch cushion into the couch while soaking himself in a bath of piss. It reeked & probably will forever. Throw away the couch guys. Goodwill may have raised prices, still spring the additional $15 & get a new sofa.

I have to thank a lot of people through all this. 1^st of all I thank Fish for finally proving to all of us someone can get more drunk than Jaren. I honestly didn’t think it was possible. Every time I have said “We can get drunker than this” over the years, I didn’t think someone could get that drunk. I would actually like to thank Fish a 2^nd time. I now know what is meant by “Drinking like a Fish.” I have been using the term incorrectly forever. It used to be reserved for suicidal drunk best friends who sit at home & drink alone & end up sleeping with your girlfriend, now it is reserved for college kids who get so drunk they have no orientation & piss on a friend’s couch. Who knows? I may still have used it wrong. Fish maybe actually thought he was a fish, they piss in the water. I don’t know or really care to. Additionally, I would like to thank everyone for hosting us. It was a great time & we genuinely appreciate your hospitality. Finally, I have to thank Ken Harris. I haven’t known him long, however Ken respects me enough to wake me up 1^st when he sees a stranger pissing couch. This could be the start of something good.

Check back soon, I’ll have serious work up soon. Until then…

Posted by D. Schwa at 10:06 AM | Permalink | Comments

I normally stay clear of political topics on my website but felt the need to write a rebuttal to something one of my friends posted online. Immigration is an issue that has been a hot topic in America since our birth as a nation. Immigrants have come in waves from various countries & continents seeking a better life. The Africans were forced here on barbaric ships, waves of Irish, Germans, & Eastern Europeans came through Ellis Island, & Chinese & others of Asian desent landed on our Western shores. Their contributions to our society have been immeasurable & the vitality they have brought to our culture irreplaceable.

The title of the document (added below) states all you really need to hear to understand the focus of the article. ‘no ingles’ or translated to ‘No English,’ the author seems to feel you have to speak English to be welcome in our country. Did the author take time to look at the fact a great majority of these people are bilingual? That means they are able to fluently speak two languages, something I hardly doubt many who support the letter can do. Are differences between people reasons to exclude or great reasons to include? I will take the latter every time.

The example of breaking into a house & staying is completely off target. I more liken immigration to you receiving a nice house. A few years later an immigrant family receives the house next door & you get pissed off because you were there first. Just because you had the opportunity 1^st, does that mean no one else gets a shot? Just because you get promoted at your job, does that mean the next guy doesn’t get a shot at your old position or even a shot at surpassing you?

The argument is always tossed out, my grandpa earned his way. My people clawed their way to make it. That is all these people are asking for, a small piece of the pie. A chance, an opportunity that millions have experienced, the American Dream. Just because you have your piece of the pie does not mean you can exclude others from theirs.

I am also at a loss to understand how people can say immigrants take jobs from Americans. Do you want to know why so many people have crossed the border? It is because our law makers & business people have wanted them to for decades. It is cheap, hardworking labor & without it, our economy would fail. How do these individuals drain funds? They don’t collect social security or any other social benefits. Their children may go to school, however they pay rent on properties that support your school district’s tax base. Our economies are mutually dependant. I know, I know, big words. That in a nut shell means our economies depend on each other. We depend on cheap labor & they depend on our jobs. Agree with it or not, your votes over the years have gone to support this system time after time after time. If you don’t like it, get off your ass & vote, if you ever even have.

I mentioned Ellis Island before. It is an island in New York Harbor that once was our immigration port. It now is home to the Statue of Liberty. I assume no explanation is need there. Inscribed at the Statue of Liberty are the following words, “Give me your tired, your poor, Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free, The wretched refuse of your teeming shore. Send these, the homeless, tempest-tossed, to me: I lift my lamp beside the golden door.” A lot of times I think Americans forget these words. It isn’t saying give me everyone that is white, speaks English, & has cash. It says accept all. America isn’t a charity but we will always have a place for hardworking people that want, that need an opportunity at a better life.

Teaching in public schools has afforded me the opportunity to work with quite a few ‘illegal immigrants.’ For the most part the families are hard working, dedicated, & extremely committed to making sure their children take advantage of the opportunities they have been afforded. If illegal immigrant means giving someone a chance at a better life, I am willing to break the law repeatedly to afford those opportunities.

-Dustin D. Schwartz, drschwa@hotmail.com-

no ingles??

Body: Body: Body: Recently large demonstrations have taken place across the country protesting the fact that Congress is finally addressing the issue of illegal immigration. Certain people are angry that the U.S. might protect its own borders, might make it harder to sneak into this country and, once here, to stay indefinitely. Let me see if I correctly understand the thinking behind these protests.

Let's say I break into your house. Let's say that when you discover me in your house, you insist that I leave. But I say, "I've made all the beds and washed the dishes and did the laundry and swept the floors; I've done all the things you don't like to do. I'm hard-working and honest (except for when I broke into your house).

According to the protesters, not only must you let me stay, you must add me to your family's insurance plan, educate my kids, and provide other benefits to me and to my family (my husband will do your yard work because he too is hard-working and honest, except for that breaking in part).

If you try to call the police or force me out, I will call my friends who will picket your house carrying signs that proclaim my right to be there.

It's only fair, after all, because you have a nicer house than I do, and I'm just trying to better myself. I'm hard-working and honest, um, except for well, you know.

And what a deal it is for me!! I live in your house, contributing only a fraction of the cost of my keep, and there is nothing you can do about it without being accused of selfishness, prejudice and being an anti-housebreaker. Oh yeah, and I want you to learn my language so you can communicate with me.

Why can't people see how ridiculous this is?! Only in America .... if you agree, pass it on (in English). Share it if you see the value of it as a good simile. If not, blow it off along with your future Social Security funds.

Posted by D. Schwa at 11:31 PM | Permalink | Comments

9/11 is one of those phrases that immediately evokes a reaction for anyone alive 9/11/2001. Since that day, so much has been debated, so many events have transpired, conspiracy theories have been bandied about, & the events have been highly politicized. Throw that out the window for today & focus just on that day. Focus how you felt when you saw the planes hitting the towers. Focus how you felt when you felt when you saw those buildings toppling to the ground like some sick game of dominoes. Everyone know exactly where they were the day the world changed. Our sense of security was stolen by thieves as America watched in horror. It was such a horrible, terrible feeling & was, for the first & only time, I did not feel safe as an American. It wasn’t that I thought something was going to happen to me. It was so many fellow Americans were suffering & so many were at risk & there was nothing anyone could do to help.

I also think back to the days & weeks following those events. American flags draping from virtually every residence. The kinship, the brotherhood you felt towards your fellow Americans. For the first time I felt like I truly knew what it was like to be an American. Every time I hear the National Anthem I put my hand on my heart & get goose bumps up & down my arms. It always meant something, now it means so much more. Through all the horror, our country grew up, we learned, we grew together. 9/11 is that event in our lifetimes that you can talk to anyone about, relate to everyone at some level on. That day is such an incredibly unifying event that one can only look at with awe.

I know at the end of the day I am going to lay my head down on my pillow, say a prayer, & go to sleep like every other. Before that though, I am going to take the time to think about how much that day affected me, affects my life, & how thankful I am for everything I have been blessed with. Days such as 9/11 unfortunately can never be erased, however days like 9/11 can serve as reminders to just how lucky we are & all that we have been blessed with. I encourage everyone to take a second & think about how that day has affected you & how truly blessed you are.

Posted by D. Schwa at 2:25 AM | Permalink | Comments

I am not usually a fan of people dropping song lyrics but occasionally I find something I like a lot. Wednesday for class I had to present a poem to my class that meant something to me. There are so many songs I love that I could have chosen from, however I settled on a tasty treat from Jack Johnson. Times Like These is one of those songs I can’t get enough of. It was written after 9/11 & pretty much says chill out & enjoy the world. When you look at people in general, we all experience similar events in our life such as love, broken hearts, accomplishment, & loss. To each individual person the events are unique & meaningful. Although these events happen to everyone, each individual person’s life will never be exactly the same.

Times Like These

In times like these
In times like those
What will be will be
And so it goes
And it always goes on and on...
On and on it goes

And there has always been laughing, crying, birth, and dying
Boys and girls with hearts that take and give and break
And heal and grow and recreate and raise and nurture
But then hurt from time to times like these
And times like those
And what will be will be
And so it goes

And there will always be stop and go and fast and slow
Action, reaction, sticks and stones and broken bones
Those for peace and those for war
And god bless these ones, not those ones
But these ones made times like these
And times like those
What will be will be
And so it goes
And it always goes on and on...
On and on it goes

But somehow I know it won't be the same
Somehow I know it will never be the same.

Posted by D. Schwa at 9:06 PM | Permalink | Comments

I had to write a reaction Blog to some vids I had to watch for school...Here is my reaction & a link to the original posting....It's not by best stuff but it's ok.

My first reaction to PBS Frontline: Inside the Teenager Brain was, “Wow, I guess I wasn’t the only one.” Teens are in an incredible transition phase in their life. Experts for years have been saying for years that something more is going on here and finally science is beginning to prove just that. It is a lot car trouble, you know something is going on but until you get under the hood you can’t exactly diagnose what is going on. As the video said, it is like the teenager is having a two-year-old’s temper tantrum in a large body. There is so incredibly much going on.

I liked how the movie focused on how teens are still in a period of rapid growth. They hit another wave of growth at this age and the body frantically produces cells. Studies prove their perceptions were rarely the same as adults in similar situations. The teens tended to view emotions in a much more hostile light. This put them on the defensive forcing them to react to the situation far differently.

The teen’s rational for actions was also severely affected by their ever changing body. It is a period of risk and exploration. Teens were shown performing incredible tricks on ramps with a landing pad of asphalt all while wearing no helmet. They feel they are invincible. The risk taking did not stop there. Unfortunately this is a time when teens begin to experiment with drugs and alcohol. Mixed with the period of growth, effects can take place that will haunt the youth for the entire length of their life.

Additionally, Inside the Teenage Brain focused on the lack of sleep and the ever increasing sleep deficits of children. Instead of the need 9-10 hour, students are getting around 7 hours. This affects all facets of their life. With increasing avenues to divert their attention, this problem is not going away. Some schools have suggested starting classes a little later in the day. Attending DePere High School, I had a 0 hour class that started at 7 am, it was brutal and cannot remember a more grueling semester.

There are people defending their flag on each side of the issue. Proponents argue it aids the students in getting more sleep and positively affects school performance. Detractors argue it throws off other ages levels, affects parent’s schedules, and cuts into extra curricular activities. In a lot of ways, I feel this may be a positive. Students are almost too involved these days and maybe restricted time will serve to limit the activities students feel obligated to join. As a future educator, I have no qualms with an additional hour of sleep every morning either.

The film seemed to show extremely understanding and chill parents. That may be the key that unlocks this enormous door. The parent is best left to lay low, let the child or children argue, and then be there to offer advice when they seek it. As much as the student is going through a new phase in their life, so is the parent. They are being forced to let go of something they have invested so much of their everything into. They are then left to wonder if their investment will pay dividends like that of Enron or Microsoft. In the mean time parents would be best served to sit down and laugh while reading some Zits cartoons.

The second video, PBS Frontline: The Merchants of Cool made me hate corporate America a little more with each segment. I went to school for 2 ½ years for marketing and these people were pretty much exactly the reason I got out of it. You have to sell your soul and prey on other’s weaknesses to succeed in the business. The piece focused on advertisers such as Sprite that focused on the teen market. With teen’s ever changing composition and diversified avenues for reaching them, they pose an extremely challenging task of reaching the market base.

Marketers have had to think outside the box to hit their demographic. The first quality I noticed about these advertisers is that although they were all 30-40, they all talked in predictable teenage slang and used the work ‘like’ 15 ways per sentence. They use what are called culture spies (More like culture vultures.) to go out and find ‘cool’ kids. It seems these people do everything they can to reinforce traditional high school roles and stereo types. This is verrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrry commendable of them.

Their methods of obtaining information are fairly creepy. One method was paying kids to throw parties and having them hand out various promotional materials at the parties. I am sure the companies were extremely careful (or not) to make sure alcohol and drugs were not furnished to minors, their hands are clean. Another method mentioned were adults posing as children on the net to get to know them and their various interests. I am not too sure, but isn’t this the big problem with MySpace and wasn’t there a little more to the story than just trying to find out what kind of cola the kid drinks? I am sure with the immense responsibility these advertisers feel to improve the world they live in, they take time to properly screen these people although I wouldn’t be all surprised to find them on a Dateline NBC special featuring 50 year-old men showing up on the doorstep of 12 year-olds.

MTV was then featured as a leader in teen advertising. With profits around $1 billion I guess it would be hard to argue. They have an incredibly efficient system fine tend to get every dollar out of students. Everything on the channel is soulless advertising meant to suck every bit of individuality out of teens while under the cloak they are trying to promote individuals and their uniqueness. The network predictably thinks fairly high of itself claiming it studies teens in their ‘natural habitat’ and even tries to play like they have the best interests of their viewers in mind.

Teenage males are a huge market for these advertisers. They seem to have found their nitch providing what they call a ‘mook.’ These are shows such as Jack Ass, Tom Green, South Park, and WWE Wrestling. The concept is show males not caring about the world around them and acting like obnoxious idiots. The problem it is incredibly effective. I counted some of these shows as my favorites to this day and am just as ashamed of myself as you are.

Females are not left out of the mix. They are taught their body is their best asset and that flaunting their sexuality is a way of showing you are independent and confident. Solid role models such as Britney Spears are looked to as goddesses that should be admired. With this incredibly high standard set as a role model, quite possibly our entire population can be have fly by night marriages and predictable annulments every time we get a little snaked up and are hanging out with another person of the opposite sex. This would bolster the booming tourism industry in Vegas. The advertisers claim teens are ‘consumed with sex.’ I think the advertisers are the ones consumed with sex, the teens have it thrown in front of them.

The final feature to the video was bands that claimed they offered a unique outlet for teens that felt they were disenfranchised by society. I took this to mean they felt they preyed on teens that were vulnerable (Probably more accurate.). Bands claimed because their lyrics were not on the radio, teens felt unique listening to their music. Groups such as ICP dress like clowns (Literally) and curse to reach these teens. First I’ll examine why they are not on the radio. It is probably because it is pure trash and a 3 ½ minute bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep doesn’t make for good radio. Essentially these bands that ‘hate corporate America’ are corporate America on a much smaller scale. They should be mighty proud of the service they provide society.

This turned into a book, I apologize to those who decided to read it in its entirety.

Currently Playing...
"I'll Wait For You"
By Joe Nichols

Posted by D. Schwa at 12:19 AM | Permalink | Comments